


Down from the Red Hills

by opalmatrix



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated, Loyalty, M/M, Torture, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-14
Updated: 2010-03-14
Packaged: 2017-10-07 23:31:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalmatrix/pseuds/opalmatrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a limiter-less Hakkai chases some fleeing <i>youkai</i> into the hills and doesn't return, Gojyo goes after him.  The journey back is much longer than he ever expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Down from the Red Hills

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Smillaraaq](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smillaraaq/gifts).



> This started out as a simple hurt/comfort "bedtime story" for myself. Then **[smillaraaq](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Smillaraaq/)** "adopted" the idea (my notion to help me write longer fics), and I meant to finish it in time for her birthday at the end of August. More than two months later, it's grown into a blessed novelette. Thanks very much to smilla for her support, encouragement, and input along the way, and to her and **[sanada](http://sanada.livejournal.com)** for beta! Thanks also to **[vom_marlowe](http://vom_marlowe.livejournal.com)** and her Saiyuki Kink Meme and its participants, and to **[louiselux](http://louiselux.livejournal.com)** and **[emungere](http://emungere.livejournal.com)** and all the good folk at **[saiyuki_time](http://community.livejournal.com/saiyuki_time/saiyuki_time)**. All of you have really helped me feel brave enough to write something this huge. (Written in November 2008; illustrations by [**danny_sama**](http://danny-sama.livejournal.com/) added February 2010.)

  
  
  
  
**I.**      |   
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When they were attacked by a troop of _youkai_ all wielding swords as though they knew what they were doing, it was something of a novelty. Goku stared and then snickered, and Gojyo grinned.

"Lookit this, the jerks have finally figured out how to use weapons!"

"Well, this should at least make things a bit more interesting," said Hakkai, brightly.

"Tch," muttered Sanzo, his eyes on the approaching foe. "Don't get cocky."

His gun roared and spat, but to their surprise, a bright light flared, and once it had cleared, it was apparent that none of his shots had hit. And the enemy was much, much closer. There were maybe 25 of them.

"Dammit," swore Gojyo. "Have we finally run into the only _youkai_ besides Kougaiji who can use ki-jutsu?"

"Ah, so it appears," said Hakkai. "Goku, cover Sanzo."

Sanzo turned on him, his face cold. "Who the hell is leading this expedition?" he demanded. "You three morons just concentrate taking these guys out! I can take care of myself." And then there was no more time for talking.

Gojyo quickly discovered that he had the ki-jutsu-weilding _youkai_ in the group attacking him. The guy managed to block Gojyo's first blows, making Gojyo see floating shadows where the flashes had been, but after that, the attacks of the fellow's own companions started to confuse him – he had obviously never tried this in a more than one-on-one scenario. The shakujo's crescent-shaped blade caught one of the _youkai_ across the gut, and then another one got the spade-end across the throat. Gojyo had managed to get the magician wrapped in the chain and was reeling him in like a fish on a line when another of the swordsmen lunged at the kappa and delivered a powerful slashing stroke to Gojyo's forearm – only to have the shakujo chain block most of it. Then Hakkai caught the swordsman in the back of the head with an energy blast. Gokyo finished off both the trussed-up adept and the man Hakkai had knocked out, and then, to their surprise, they had no more opponents.

Looking around, they realized that the attackers were not only better-armed than usual – they were more disciplined and had been better briefed. The remaining _youkai_ were mobbing Sanzo, giving him no chance to use the sutra, and they'd managed to make him drop the gun. Goku was as usual fighting with ferocious joy, but he could still only fight two or three at a time. Even though half a dozen _youkai_ lay on the ground, the situation looked bad. As Gojyo and Hakkai started toward their beleaguered companions, Sanzo took a vicious blow to his upper arm and staggered as blood gushed out. Goku swung around and stared, the whites showing all the way around his eyes. A sword aimed toward his face distracted him for a moment, but –

"Shit, Goku's gonna lose it any moment," groaned Gojyo.

"Yes," whispered Hakkai. "Gojyo. Take care of these for me."

Gojyo put out his hand without thinking and received three small, hard objects. In that instant he knew what Hakkai had done. "Hakkai! No!"

But Hakkai was already racing toward the others, his form shifting as he ran. Even though Gojyo had seen him in action before, he was awed and a bit appalled at what happened when his friend arrived at the fracas. Hakkai opened with an energy blast that knocked several of the attackers a dozen feet away, and then went to work with his razorlike claws, tearing fearlessly at faces and throats, evading the counterblows aimed at him with a speed his opponents simply could not match.

Goku had noticed his arrival and was rallying. Within a minute, the tide had turned, and the remaining attackers were falling back. Gojyo arrived in time to dispatch several of the wounded who were trying to flee, but three relatively uninjured _youkai_ were on the far side of Sanzo. One of them made a grab for the sutra, but the priest evaded him by the simple expedient of dropping to the ground. The _youkai_'s companions shouted at him, and all three of them started running away from the road, up the slopes of the dusty red-tinged hills that rose above them. _Damn!_ thought Gojyo, and then turned to deal with another swordsman who was trying to flank Goku.

A few seconds later it was all over. Gojyo sprinted to Sanzo's side and pulled out one of the rolled bandages that Hakkai insisted he carry. Applying pressure to the deep cut seemed to help, but Sanzo was going to need more than that. "Hakkai!"

There was no answer. Gojyo looked around, his stomach suddenly cold. Goku, staring upslope, suddenly pointed. "Gojyo, _look!_"

There, racing in the same direction that the fleeing _youkai_ had taken, was another: a lithe, dark-haired figure in a green tunic. "Hakkai!" shouted Gojyo, again, as loudly as he could.

There was no answer, and Hakkai disappeared into the jumble of rocks and shrubby trees that cloaked the hillsides.

  
  
  
  
**II.**      |   
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To Gojyo's surprise, Jeep had not followed his master. They chair-carried Sanzo to him and broke out the first-aid kit. Hakkai had drilled them both thoroughly, and they managed to get Sanzo's arm properly wrapped up. Then Goku tended the nasty but much smaller gash on Gojyo's forearm, and Gojyo took care of the dozen or so small nicks and scratches that the kid had sustained during his fierce defense of Sanzo. There wasn't much they could do about the nasty bruises that were already starting to surface on Gojyo's left forearm where the shakujo chain had taken the shock of the sword blow.

And Hakkai was still not back.

Gojyo leaned against Jeep's side and listlessly took the bottle of water Goku was offering him. "Shit, what do we do now?"

Sanzo wearily rubbed his face, leaving smears of red dust and darker stains of half-dried blood on his white sleeve. "He knows which way we were heading, and he won't expect us to stay out here in the open, with no shelter and not much water. We need to move on and find a place to camp. Hakkai's smart, and he's usually got good sense. If he's going to come back to us at all, he'll find us there."

Gojyo choked on the water he was drinking and nearly dropped the bottle, splashing himself liberally. "What the hell do you mean, _if_?"

Sanzo looked at him with no expression at all. "He took off his limiters. He was in a life-threatening situation and fought like a demon. Then he started chasing those survivors, like an animal hunting prey. He didn't respond to your call – and we know how good his hearing is. We have no proof that he's immune to the Minus Wave. We have to face the possibility that he may not come back."

Gojyo stared at him in disbelief. Sanzo struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on Jeep's door. Goku slipped to his side to help him into the back seat instead of his usual perch in the front, and then started to load the supplies again. Gojyo stayed where he was and turned to look up at the red hills. The shadows were growing longer, making the broken masses and columns of rock look forbidding and hostile. He took a swig of water and then filled his lungs with as much air as he could.

"Hakkai!"

This time he shouted loud enough to hurt his throat. The only response was a faint echo, and the sound of the wind whispering over the red rocks.

"Get in," said Sanzo, wearily. "We need you to drive."

He couldn't just leave them. There was no shelter, the sun would be down in less than two hours, and Sanzo's arm was a wreck. He did as he was told.

They drove in silence for 20 minutes, and then Goku spotted a much thicker, more luxuriant patch of vegetation on the downslope side of the road, about 200 yards off. Jeep managed to make it most of the way before he balked and came to a stop as the slope dropped away more steeply. Leaving Goku to guard Sanzo and Jeep, Gojyo continued on.

He was soon at the top of a little defile, leading down into a small, shallow valley that he might have called a dell if the land had been greener. But even though the place wasn't exactly lush, the shrubs were giving way to small trees, and he spotted a gleam of water in the late-afternoon light. Apparently a small spring emerged from the hillside here, and as he followed it, he found the remains of a little farmstead: a small house, its door long gone but its roof almost completely intact, the remains of a couple of sheds, and a dilapidated stone wall circling it all. There were even some wizened self-seeded vegetables growing here and there. Maybe someone had once raised sheep or goats in the place. He turned back to fetch the others.

By the time the sun was truly down, Sanzo was settled on a pallet in one corner, apparently asleep, and Goyo and Goku were sharing a gloomy and badly cooked meal.

"This is pretty bad," muttered Goku.

"Tastes like crap," Gojyo agreed. "But I ain't exactly hungry anyhow."

Goku looked at him from under the brown fringe of his bangs, his golden eyes solemn. "Hakkai'll come back. He has to. He wouldn't leave us."

"Wish I could believe that, kid, but Sanzo's right. No limiters on, and the Minus Wave could've got him."

Goku dropped his eyes to his bowl, his nose reddening and his lips pressed obstinately together. "I'm not gonna think that."

Gojyo sighed. Goku's stubborn loyalty was making him lose his own reserve. Much more of it and they'd both be bawling like babies. "Better eat up, if you're gonna, and get to sleep."

But later on, with Goku asleep at last, Gojyo was still awake. The feeling of missing Hakkai was growing into a nagging pain, much, much worse than the cut and bruises on his arms. He watched the moonlight slide slowly across the dusty, bare floor, turning Sanzo and Goku into cold, stony statues as it touched them, and then releasing them again as it moved on. Finally, when he thought it might be about two hours until dawn, he rose silently from his bedroll and rummaged for a small backpack. He tucked in a small amount of food – it wouldn't be fair to take much from Goku and his huge appetite, especially with an injured Sanzo to feed – and a water bottle and a blanket. He double-checked that Hakkai's limiters were wrapped up and tied into a little packet in the bottom of one of his pockets. He was heading out the door when a voice whispered his name.

He turned back to see Goku awake and watching him, as serious as he had been at supper. "Goku –"

"You're gonna try to find him, aren't you?"

"Damn straight. And you're not gonna –"

Goku interrupted him: "I'm not gonna try to stop you. But you better bring him back, you stupid kappa."

Gojyo opened his mouth to protest. He didn't want Goku getting his hopes up. But then he stopped himself. Any argument would just probably wake Sanzo, and the kid might as well hope while he still could. So he just nodded and slipped out.

It was chilly outside, and dark in a way that it only got out in the wilderness when the moon was down. But his _hanyou_ eyes adjusted to the dimness quickly, and he picked his way up out of the dell in near-silence. When he was near the road, he stepped out in earnest. He knew it would take him several hours to reach the spot where he'd last seen his best friend. At one point, as the first birds were staring to sing, he saw a pair of jackals trotting along, but they made a wide circle around him when he showed his teeth. The sun came up ahead of him after a couple of hours, sharp golden beams shining directly into his tired eyes and making his head hurt.

Some time after that, he picked up a smell of burning – burnt flesh. _Damn_, he thought. He couldn't imagine that it meant anything good. He got off the edge of the road and started to pick his way from cover to cover downslope. Of course, that dropped his rate of travel to maybe half of what it had been. Finally he reached the spot where the battle had occurred yesterday.

Someone had dragged the bodies of the _youkai_ they had slain into a pyre, and burned them.

Gojyo squatted in a patch of scrub and drank some of his water. Up the nearest hill, he could see the distinctive shapes of the rocks into which Hakkai had disappeared yesterday. Wisps of smoke still rose from the half-burnt corpses, and vultures were circling overhead. He wanted a cigarette, but when he lit one, it tasted too much like what was blowing from the pyre.

_So maybe Hakkai didn't get those guys yesterday, and they came back and made a pyre for their buddies._

Maybe they'd gotten Hakkai instead.

_No. I am **not** gonna think that._

He put the water away – half-down already, he needed to find a stream – and looked around cautiously. There was no sign of anyone around but the vultures. He stepped out from the bushes, quickly crossed the road, and headed uphill. He found tracks in the dusty soil among the rocks. But he wasn't a great tracker, his head was killing him, and he was so tired, he was going cross-eyed. He needed sleep before he tried to follow these traces.

He found a small rock overhang nearby with shrubs around it and relatively clean sand below it. He spread out his blanket, tucked the pack under his head for a pillow, and tumbled into an uneasy slumber peopled with ghostly shapes that drew close and then vanished before he could see who they were.

  
  
  
  
**III.**      |   
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Hands grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and started to drag him up. Even in his sleep, Gojyo could not forget his surroundings, so when he doubled up and twisted, he avoided hitting his head. Someone laughed: "He's feisty!"

_You're not gonna be laughing in a minute, fucker,_ thought Gojyo, and summoned the shakujo as he opened his eyes and sprang to his feet.

There was a sudden gratifying silence.

Surrounding Gojyo in a rough semicircle around the overhang were nine human men of varying degrees of scruffiness. The one who had been manhandling him was a big, stupid-looking oaf with a brass-bound club dangling from his belt. Standing slightly back and out of the circle was the cleanest and oldest-looking, a handsome rogue maybe just shy of 30. He had wavy hair tied back in a horse's tail, high cheekbones, a strong nose, and an arrogant, intelligent expression. He seemed to be unarmed. The rest had clubs, staves, or swords, and faces ranging from the fairly cunning to the downright stupid. Beyond them, Gojyo could see a pair of bulky backpacks with blanket rolls or maybe small tents, leaning against the rocks.

The older guy's expression sharpened as he looked at Gojyo, looked him straight in the eyes, and then smiled. It was not a pleasant expression. "Take him," he said to the others.

Things got very, very busy. Eight guys attempted to mob Gojyo. He grinned wolfishly, whirled the shakujo, and got big-and-oafish with the first stroke. A fast, weasely guy armed with a sword bit it next. _This is gonna be a lead-pipe cinch ... ._

Then there was a roaring bang that he recognized all too well as the sound of a gun – deeper and louder than Sanzo's – and then another. Something slammed into his right shoulder and his right thigh, and then the lights went out.

When he woke up, he felt really lousy and he smelled blood. The places where the bullets had hit him each felt like a hot coal had been pressed into his flesh –_big_ hot coals. It didn't seem reasonable that little bullets had made such big pains. He realized that the blood he was smelling must be his own: his clothes around the wounds were stiff and sticky and damp. He was flat on his back, with the sun beating down on his closed eyelids. He could dimly feel that his ankles were tied together, and his hands, too, on his belly, which was kind of stupid and unnecessary because he seemed to have as much strength as a baby chick. _Shit, I must have lost a lot of blood._

He could hear talking and sounds of people eating nearby. As soon as his eyes opened, he saw a young, stupid, desperately earnest face staring into his. He dimly remembered the kid as one of the guys surrounding him earlier. When he saw that Gojyo's eyes were open, he looked thrilled, like he'd just been presented with his New Year's bonus. "Guantan!" he shouted, looking up past Gojyo's feet. "He's awake!

The older guy showed up, looking pleased and smug: "Good, good. Prop his head up, Tanu."

The kid shoved one arm under Gojyo's shoulders and pulled. Gojyo nearly blacked out again as fresh, hot pain speared the damaged one. He felt his eyes rolling up in his head, which was flopping back limply.

"No, no – open those eyes again, dammit –" A hand smacked him lightly across the cheek – the scarred one. Of course. Gojyo took a deep breath, got his head up somehow, and focused on the Guantan guy. He was watching Gojyo with a cold little smile. Gojyo gritted his teeth and then managed to bring out a cocky grin for the jerk. Guantan lifted one eyebrow – that was all. _Shit, he's a stone-faced bastard._

"Hm. Now, gentlemen, gather 'round, please."

The rest of the crew Gojyo had seen earlier showed up. Since he'd killed two of them and one of them was holding him up, that meant he was looking at five different flavors of stupid ass – not counting Guantan, who got his own special category. "Heh, so this is what passes for gentlemen in these parts?" muttered Gojyo, because he had to say something.

"Oh, they're all of better birth than you are, Red. Which is part of the point I was about to make ... . Gentlemen, what do you notice about our prisoner here?"

_Yeah, stupid._ They all stared at him with the intelligence of your average herd of cows – except that wiry guy on the end. He had a feral, twitchy look instead. Finally, one of the dumb ones said "He's got red hair. But that's not so weird."

"Indeed. Red hair is unusual, but not _that_ unusual. What else?"

_Man, he's like a goddamn professor, ain't he?_

Twitchy dude suddenly grinned. It didn't improve his looks. "He's got red eyes, too, Guantan."

"_Very_ good, Luwen. Take a good look, gentlemen. Next time you see one, you'll know: this is a half-breed _youkai_. A _hanyou_."

And suddenly Gojyo felt very, very cold inside. _I'm dead. This guy has some fucking problem with _youkai_. There's no way he's lettin' me go ... ._

There was a mutter of disturbed excitement from the idiot crew, and the nasty one's smile got even meaner.

"Now ... ," and Guantan came over closer, so that his boot toe was a couple of inches from the nasty mess where he'd shot up Gojyo's thigh. "I can't help wondering, Red, what you might have had to do with that mob of dead _youkai_ we found down by the road. I bet I know. Ignorant people don't recognize a half-breed. You were a useful little scout to those guys, weren't you? Or maybe you did supply runs into town. But someone killed them and saved us a lot of trouble – and spoiled our fun. We're the leading _youkai_ hunters in this region. Want to tell us about it? They're dead and burned, anyway. None of them got away – we found three more dead just a little piece over that way – piled 'em right up with the others ... ."

Gojyo's mind was racing, and his gut felt a little warmer. _So Hakkai managed to kill those guys? Maybe? Unless Hakkai was one of the dead ones ... ._ But the bodies hadn't been that well-burned, and he hadn't spotted anything that looked like Hakkai's green tunic. "No," he said, automatically.

"No? You don't want to tell us ... ?" Guantan kicked lightly at the wounded leg. Gojyo's vision swam and he locked his teeth against a moan. "Come on, Red. Spill. You know I'm not happy with you. You killed two of my men. And we're so far out in the wilds here, all we could do was bury them deep and hope that none of your near relatives are hungry enough to dig them up and eat them."

Gojyo breathed in through his nose slowly, until Guantan came back into focus. "Fuck you, man."

"Well, I guess it doesn't matter anyway," mused Guantan. Gojyo got his eyes focused again: the guy was rubbing the corner of his mouth meditatively with one thumb, his other fist on his hip. "Tell us something more entertaining, Red. One of your parents was a gods-damned _youkai_. And one was a human being. Which was human? Dog or bitch?"

"My mom. Like it really matters," said Gojyo, wearily. He wasn't sure why he was helping Guantan prolong this, except that his life had been pretty good lately, and he really wasn't ready to let it go, even thought he felt like shit, and even though he was certain that this wasn't the worst yet.

"Oh _ho_ – and was the poor creature raped by some disgusting _youkai_ animal, or –"

"They loved each other." Gojyo stared Guantan in the eyes. "And when they couldn't be together, they killed themselves. And I was pretty much raised by my full-_youkai_ brother. Who was a hell of a better man than any of you bastards.".

Guantan was silenced for a moment. Then he laughed, openly and almost pleasantly, for a good minute. "Red, I like you! You're a smart guy, and you've got guts. Too bad you're a fucking _hanyou_."

"Why's he smart, Guantan?" said a voice in Gojyo's ear – the kid who was holding him.

"Ah, Tanu ... heh, well, I said that because it's plain that he's figured out we're going to kill him. That's why he's being mouthy – he figures he can't make it any worse." He grinned at Gojyo with chilling joviality. "But Red, it _can_ get worse. If you'd been all pitiful, I might've just let Luwen cut your throat. But now I'm going to have to do a little better than that." He looked at Gojyo for a couple of minutes. His men waited with an air of half-thrilled, half-worried anticipation. Gojyo's skin was crawling. That worry on some of the guys' faces ... .

_They've seen this man do stuff that's freaked them out._

"Hmmm. Zhen, go get me four tent pegs – the good, strong ones. The rest of you, go find an open, flat rocky spot with some cracks in the rocks that'll hold those pegs really well."

Gojyo did _not_ like the sound of this at all. The kid left him alone to join in the search, so Gojyo started moving his hands slightly, testing his bonds. The rope was crap, and they hadn't tied that many loops around his wrists either – they'd tied him as if he were human. Normally he'd be able to snap these. He jerked his wrists apart. The rope dug nastily into yesterday's bruises on his left forearm, and then white-hot pain lanced through his shoulder. He nearly blacked out again, and the ropes – didn't break. _Oh shit. I must have lost a fucking **bucket** of blood ... ._

"Guantan!" an excited voice shouted from some distance. "Over here!"

And hot damn, the whole goon squad scampered off to see, even boss man. Gojyo turned over – carefully, onto his good side first – and started wriggling off into the brush. They weren't _youkai_ ... maybe he could find some crevice to hide in, scrape the ropes apart against some of these rocks. But of course, they were all back again before he got very far.

"Oh, Red, leaving so soon? This party's just getting started. Pick him up, boys."

He thrashed around as much as he could, and finally Guantan clipped him on one temple with the butt end of his big pistol. Then things got all swimmy for a while. When he could focus again, he was on a flat piece of red rock, with a lovely view of a hot, dry sky and some more vultures circling around. And some crows too. He had five of the goons holding him down – one for each limb and one more draped sweatily across his torso – and twitchy Luwen kneeling near his right hand, holding a big tent peg and a mallet. Guantan must have been watching his eyes again, because he said, conversationally, "See the birds? You'll have a much better view soon. What we're going to do is, we're going to stake you to the rock through your arms and your legs. And then Luwen's going to cut open your belly, and then the birds there –"

"You fucking psycho!" Gojyo doubled up as hard as he could. The guys on his legs lost their grip and the guy across his chest tried to hold onto his shirt, which started ripping open. He deliberately twisted onto his bad side. If he couldn't try to get away, at least he could make Guantan shoot him, or maybe he could bleed enough to black out. In fact, he could feel the bleeding starting again now. _Good._ Then the jerks he'd dislodged from his legs and chest dropped heavily back into place, and Guantan whacked him with the gun again.

"Bad boy, Red. Trying to make me kill you outright, aren't you? Sorry – we're doing this my way ... ."

It was hard to breathe, and the assholes holding his arms still had a death grip on him. He felt the point of the stake on the inside of his right arm, pressing between the bones. And then the smack of the mallet and splintered pain of the sharpened wood going halfway through his flesh. "Shit!" he screamed, and managed to jerk his arm a few inches over, but the creep was still holding onto the stake, so it hurt nearly as much as that first blow. He could feel his eyes rolling up. _Dammit. I am not going to give you fuckers a show! But if I start passing out, you'll think of some way to wake me up again ... ._

And he still didn't know whether Hakkai was alive or dead. He was going to die disgustingly without knowing. That hurt worse than anything they were doing. The thought made him perversely glad. He clenched his eyes shut and gritted his teeth as tightly as he could, waiting for the next blow of the mallet.

Instead, something exploded silently but brightly above his head, shining so intensely that he could see the light right through his eyelids. The grip of the many hands on him loosened. Something large flew past him, hot wetness spattered his face, and then the screaming started.

Gojyo opened his eyes to a scene of complete carnage. Three of the men who'd been holding him were crumpled at his side, one with his throat torn out, another slumped over with his head dangling loosely, and the last with his breath bubbling wetly through a bloody hole where his face used to be.

As Gojyo turned his head, he saw Hakkai snapping the neck of the kid, Tanu, one-handed.

_Alive, dammit, thank fuck, alive!_

Hakkai had an unearthly grin on his face, and his long claws were coated in wetly gleaming red. Luwen, clutching the mallet, and the remaining goon, armed only with a dead branch that he must have snatched off the ground, were approaching him, but only reluctantly, blinking as though they were having trouble seeing. Hakkai lashed out with one foot – his feet were bare, and talon-tipped – and caught Luwen across the abdomen. The hunter screamed and folded himself up around the wound as blood spurted. The remaining man brought his improvised club down, but there was no strength to the blow, and Hakkai caught his arm in one clawed hand with contemptuous ease. "Please –" the man choked out, and then Hakkai's other hand flashed out and cut his throat cleanly.

Suddenly Gojyo felt something cold and hard pressed against one temple, and a large hand clamped itself to his head on the opposite side. "Stop right there, monster," said Guantan, and Hakkai stopped dead, staring.

_Merciful Kannon, haven't we been here before? Hakkai comes after me and finds me with some bastard's gun pressed against my goddamn head ... ?_

"Red, here, mentioned a brother," said Guantan. "You don't look old enough to have raised him – but who can tell with something this unnatural?"

Gojyo couldn't help admiring how calm the man sounded – especially because Hakkai started to smile at the mention of the word "brother." It was a real smile – but maybe it was hard to look harmlessly amused when your hands were tipped with bloody razors. "You're planning to shoot him?" asked Hakkai, equally calmly. His voice was deeper and rougher than usual, but his words were every bit as precise. "How long do you want to live after that? And in how many pieces?"

"He'll still be dead," replied Guantan. "How much do you really care about him, hmmm?"

"I see you've torn his clothes half off. Did you notice the little scar over his heart? Someone else tried to shoot him once. You can see how well it worked. I have no intention of letting him die."

Gojyo wanted to tell Hakkai to knock it off – that it was unlikely that putting his brains back together again would work very well – when he realized that Hakkai had something else in mind. Guantan couldn't resist looking at Gojyo's chest, just for a second, and that's all it took for Hakkai to be several feet closer and in a much better position to leap. And vines were hissing over the rocks from his feet, toward Guantan. The demon hunter froze.

"Stop it right there, you disgusting –" Gojyo felt Guantan's muscles shifting slightly and tensed for the shot through his own skull – and then realized that like Hakkai, Guantan was not about to do the obvious thing.

"Hakkai, _move_!" he shouted, as the gun's muzzle was pulled abruptly from his skin. And as Guantan raised the weapon to fire at Hakkai, Gojyo gathered his last strength and rolled against the gunman as hard as he could.

There was a roar from the gun as Gojyo felt his damaged shoulder connect with their opponent, with a blaze of pain running up from the wound to his neck and down toward his elbow. And he was not at all surprised to find himself once again tumbling into darkness.

  
  
  
  
**IV.**      |   
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This time, when he woke, he was in the shade, and lying on something that padded the rocky ground a little. And to his surprise and pleasure, his shoulder and thigh wounds were only a dull throb each, and the nasty place where the stake had gone partway through his arm was just a prickly bunch of little needle-jabs. But his head ached dully, his bruised arm was still stiffly sore, and his mouth was more dry than he would have thought possible. He opened his eyes, which felt like they had lids of sandpaper.

On a rocky shelf above and ahead of him, the carrion birds were feasting at last. Despite everything that had just happened, he had no desire to look. It had very nearly been him up there instead of Guantan and his goon squad. He turned his head away from the sight and saw Hakkai, squatting some distance off, somewhat cleaned up, and apparently engaged in such a typically Hakkai activity that Gojyo had to blink to make sure his eyes were actually working. But no, Hakkai really was sorting out piles of goods – food, clothing, bedding – working carefully so that his claws didn't snag anything. Gojyo's muzzy mind finally kicked into gear: Hakkai had found those two big backpacks Guantan's gang had had with them and was sensibly sorting out what they could actually use. It looked like there were several water bottles, and Gojyo was parched.

He rolled over to sit up – or that's what he meant to do. All that happened was that he ended up partway onto his good side, because when he lifted his head – which felt heavy as lead – he nearly blacked out again. _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

This was scary as hell, and also damn embarrassing. Finally he conceded defeat and called out: "Hakkai ... ."

Fuck, his voice was as bad as the rest of him – a weak croak. But Hakkai's head snapped around instantly, his expression unreadable, and he was on his feet and then at Goyo's side, crouching, in one fluid leap. And that was scary too. _What if he really has gone ape shit? I won't be able to do anything but lie here ... ._

"Gojyo ... ." Hakkai's voice was almost a whisper, and he laid one hand gently over Gojyo's heart, the fingers pulled carefully back so that his claws didn't touch his friend's skin. "Your pulse is racing ... what's wrong? He's dead. They're all dead. They won't hurt you again." His face was still a blank slate, the vines obscuring what expression he might have had.

Goyjo swallowed dryly. "Just ... the way you came at me, I was a little worried I might be next."

And then he wished he hadn't said anything, because now he could read that face, and it looked so damn sad. Hakkai shifted his hand to rub the back of his fingers gently over Gojyo's cheek. "Gojyo ... I would never do that. You're mine."

Gojyo felt his eyes widening. Hakkai bent over him and brushed his lips across Gojyo's forehead. "Rest. And you need to drink. As much as you can. Look at me a moment –" He peered into Gojyo's eyes intently, then raised one clawed hand toward his face. Gojyo winced away. Hakkai sighed. "Please, I need to check your pupils in case that madman did more than just bruise your skull."

"Oh ... fuck." That look on Hakkai's face meant business and should have been scary. But it was such a _Hakkai_ look that Gojyo actually found it kind of comforting, He did his best to relax and stay still as Hakkai very carefully held his eyelids open with the pads of his fingers. He could still see those razor claws, way too close, out of the corners of his eyes. But whatever shit Hakkai saw in there was OK – he could tell just from his body language.

"Hmm. Your brain seems well –but ... Gojyo, I couldn't heal you enough. I need the energy to carry you someplace safe ... we'll leave in a few minutes."

Hakkai brought over a water bottle, and with almost painful care, slid one arm underneath Gojyo's shoulder to hold him up so he could drink. Gojyo managed to finish the whole thing, although it was a struggle, and then watched, feeling vaguely sick to his stomach and chilled, as Hakkai tucked a few things into what Gojyo realized was his own small pack. Hakkai shifted him then, and Gojyo realized he'd been lying on his own blanket, which was also rolled up and tucked away. Hakkai closed the pack and put it on, then knelt down beside him and sighed. "This won't be pleasant for either of us, I'm afraid."

He slipped one arm beneath Gojyo's shoulders again, and then the other beneath his thighs, and hoisted him into his arms. Gojyo did his best to settle close, with his weight centered and his arms around Hakkai's neck. The bruises from yesterday's fight were making it hard to close his left hand tightly, and his grip felt so weak that he had no confidence he'd be able to hold on if Hakkai tripped or something. Hakkai rose slowly to his feet. As his arms tightened, the bullet wounds awoke and burned more fiercely. Gojyo gritted his teeth.

"I know," said Hakkai, softly. "It's not that far, but it won't be easy."

He turned and walked steadily away from that place, along the slope. Gojyo caught a glimpse of the packs and the other debris of the _youkai_ hunters' camp, some scattered pots and dishes, the remains of a fire, something big – or maybe a couple of somethings – covered with a tarp weighted with rocks. The rest of the supplies from the packs, maybe. Then he turned his head to rest against Hakkai's shoulder, helpless and hurting and stupid, and wondering vaguely what was going to happen next.

Hakkai walked on for some time, seemingly tireless as a machine, but when the ground started dropping away steeply beneath his feet and he had to fight to keep his footing with the burden in his arms and the unequal counterweight of the pack on his back, Gojyo realized that he must be exhausted. "Not long now," said Hakkai, hoarsely. "I found a cavern last night ... but we need to get this blood off. It will attract scavengers and predators."

Another few staggering steps, and Gojyo could hear the liquid chuckle of water flowing over rocks. Hakkai set him down at last, on a slab of red stone, and collapsed to sit next to him, knees drawn up and forehead leaning against them. Gojyo, his mouth once again as dry as the slopes they'd traveled, couldn't help turning his head to look down at the stream below. It was a beautiful sight, clear water running over red and grey pebbles and cobbles and boulders, falling into a crystalline pool not three feet below them. For Gojyo, it might as well have been on the moon. The bullet wounds felt like hell – he had to remind himself how much worse they'd felt before. He shut his eyes again, and after a moment felt Hakkai's clawed fingers stroking through his hair. "You're thirsty. It's the blood loss. I can't ... Gojyo, I can heal wounds, but I can't create blood for you. It's going to take time."

Gojyo tilted his head back to watch Hakkai's hand as it withdrew. Hakkai shrugged off the pack and pulled out another bottle. "We'll use this one up first – warmer is actually better."

The water seemed to go down more easily this time, and in fact, by the last gulps, Gojyo was actually holding the bottle on his own. His eyes felt a little more normal too. But when Hakkai tried leaving him to sit by himself, he started to fall backwards helplessly until Hakkai arranged him carefully so that he was slumping forward. He couldn't help thinking of all the times he'd chewed himself out himself for being weak. Hell, he hadn't had a clue what "weak" could mean. "Shit, this really sucks!"

Hakkai bent down and rubbed his cheek over Gojyo's hair. "You'll get stronger," he said, and started to unpack the other things he'd brought. Gojyo saw a couple of coarse towels, what looked like soap, and some clothes. _Hell, I'm not gonna wear those bastards' clothes ..._ But what else did they have? His own things were torn and half stiff with blood.

It was weird, the way Hakkai kept touching him. They didn't usually do that outside, during the daytime. And he was hardly talking at all.

_I must really look like crap._

Hakkai started to strip off his own clothes. And Gojyo watched, of course. After a few seconds, he was doing more than watching: he was mesmerized. _I've never seen him – all of him – like this before._ The vines went _everywhere_. He had them on his ass, on his armpits and groin – faintly obscured by the hair – and little tiny ones on his dick. He noticed Gojyo watching and smiled so quickly and faintly that Gojyo wasn't sure he'd seen it. "Say what you're thinking, Gojyo."

"They're everywhere."

"Yes."

"They're – you're ... beautiful."

But they were disturbing, too. And the skin they covered was a little darker than Hakkai's skin – had been. He didn't want to look away, though. Hakkai, nude now, came to sit beside on him the rock and kissed him lightly on the mouth. Then, before Gojyo could respond, he pulled him into an awkward hug, rocking the two of them gently. Under the blood-smell, he still smelled like Hakkai, except maybe more so. Gojyo frowned suddenly and felt at his own crotch. Nothing. Nada. Beautiful, naked, kinky-looking, scary Hakkai was holding him, and he was as limp as a leftover noodle. Now he was _really_ scared. "Hakkai ... !"

Hakkai looked, and then buried his face against Gojyo's neck, whimpering. After a horrified moment, he realized that Hakkai was actually laughing, quietly and kind of painfully. "Gojyo. You don't have enough blood in your body to hold up your _real_ head – how can you possibly expect to have enough left to fill up the little one? Not to mention the pain from those bullet wounds."

_Heh heh, yeah, real funny, Hakkai._ Except ... now at least he _sounded_ more like Hakkai. And actually, he looked like he wanted to cry, now. Shit. "Once I'm better, I'm gonna fuck you until you can't stand up, funny man," Gojyo said, as threateningly as he could manage. "We'll see who's laughing _then_." Hakkai looked at him, searchingly, and smiled a little at last, a real smile: "Well, I'll certainly look forward to that! But right now, you're still a bloody mess ... ."

Hakkai reached down and pulled off Gojyo's shoes. The right one was stuck to Gojyo's foot with dried blood and had to be worked loose. Then Hakkai slid into the water of the rocky pool, turned, reached up, and started to ease Gojyo into the pool as well, being extremely careful with the claws. "Hey, wait – I'm still dressed."

"You saw what your right shoe was like. Your clothes are the same. I made sure that the bullet wounds were clear, but ... the clothes will be easier to get off in the water."

The water was pretty damn cold in contrast to the dry, warm afternoon air, and Hakkai had to gently tug several sections of Gojyo's clothes back and forth dozens of times before they all came loose from his skin. Once he even had to use one claw to scrape some fibers delicately away from a nasty abrasion on Gojyo's left hip, where he'd hit the rocks had during the last struggle. At last the pile of sodden, blood-stained rags that was all that was left of Gojyo's shirt, pants, and boxers was left on a rock, and Hakkai used one of the cleaner pieces of shirt as a wash-rag to soap Gojyo down. Hakkai's face was grim, and Gojyo had the feeling that he was mentally cataloging every scrape, bruise, and cut. When he finally got a good look at what the bullets had done, he felt kind of grim himself. The cold of the water seemed to be seeping into his bones, too, and by the time his hair was clean, he was clinging to Hakkai's warm body, shuddering. "Feel like crap," he said, through chattering teeth. Hakkai's arms tightened around him, and then he was lifted out onto the sun-warmed rock, and a towel was wrapped around him.

"Are you warmer now?" Hakkai asked, looking worried.

Gojyo nodded, feeling ashamed – damn, he was plenty tough enough for an afternoon dunk in a river on a warm day. "Blood loss," said Hakkai, briefly, and turned to scrubbing the much smaller amounts of blood out of his own clothes. By the time he was finished, and dried, and re-dressed in the hunters' cast-offs, Gojyo was mostly dry just from the sun, and feeling well enough to sit halfway normally. He was also thirsty again, and to his surprise, a little hungry. Hakkai spread his own clothes and the usable bits of Gojyo's out on some bushes in the sun, and then dressed Gojyo, which was an uncomfortable operation for both of them. "I feel like a fucking baby," Gojyo groused. "Hakkai, you can't keep carrying me. Maybe I can just lean on you."

Hakkai smiled at that, but when he tried to bring Gojyo to his feet, Gojyo felt everything starting to spin, and his vision went grey. "Easy!" said Hakkai, anxiously, and picked him up again. Gojyo leaned his head against Hakkai's shoulder and cursed. Hakkai sighed. "It's alright, Gojyo. Really."

He carried Gojyo up the stream a hundred feet to where he could cross easily, and then up the opposite slope for a minute. Then there was an awkward moment where Hakkai had to maneuver his burden into a narrow passage between two huge slabs of rock that leaned against each other, without much headroom. And then he set Gojyo down on a patch of sand, where he could lean against a rocky wall.

It was a pretty sizeable cavern, maybe 25 feet across at the widest spot, and easily a dozen feet tall in the center, although Hakkai could barely stand upright near the walls. There was a pile of dried grass along one side that smelled fresh, and on the opposite wall was a faded scorched place, as though a fire had been made there long, long ago. Enough light came in that it was easy enough for Gojyo to see. Hakkai ran back out and fetched the pack. When he returned, he spread a couple of blankets over the grass heap, and then took out some food and the refilled water bottles.

He seemed to want to feed Gojyo little tidbits of dried meat and fruit like a baby bird, but as long as he was sitting down, Gojyo wasn't feeling that helpless anymore. "Hakkai, give me that stuff already. I can feed my face, honest."

Hakkai surrendered the food and knelt next to him, watching every mouthful with careful approval. It was almost gone when it suddenly occurred to Gojyo that Hakkai hadn't eaten a thing. "Want some?"

"No ... I'll eat ... later."

Gojyo looked up. There was a strange expression on Hakkai's face. "When? Is there more food ... ?

Hakkai shook his head and offered him one of the water bottles. "I'm going back after the rest of the supplies as soon as I have you settled here. There's a rock that I can shift to mostly block the entrance."

He still looked weird: something between _hungry_ and _hating._ Creepy. "Hakkai ... ."

"Gojyo. Drink that, please. I want to get there and back before dark."

There wasn't anything he could do except follow orders. He drank the water down and let Hakkai get him settled on the grassy pallet. Hakkai carefully smoothed back his damp hair and kissed his forehead. "I'll be back soon. Please ... ." He stopped and sighed..

"Huh?"

Hakkai just shook his head and rose to go. _He's got to be really hungry ... all that fighting, all that healing, all that carrying me .... ._

"Hakkai –"

"Yes?"

"Eat before you start back, OK?"

Hakkai looked down at him and smiled. It was a really fake smile, and yet it was all too terribly real at the same time. Gojyo froze.

"I certainly will, Gojyo," he said, softly.

He went to the entrance, and Gojyo saw the rock – not just a rock, but a damn big boulder that he'd have a really tough time shifting even on his best day. Hakkai shifted it with only a little _huff_ of effort. And then Gojyo was alone.

The grass smelled good, and it was pretty comfortable to lie on, with the blanket to keep the prickliness away. He was tired as hell. He was _not_ going to think about what might happen if something got Hakkai out there and he was left alone in a cave, shut in by a rock he couldn't shift, and no food, and only three more water bottles ... .

He crooked his left arm over his eyes, shutting out even the dim light inside the cavern. _Hope Hakkai doesn't try to carry too much shit back at once. He's gotta be tired, and it's fucking impossible to fight well with a pack on your back. He better eat something, dammit ... ._ Pictures were swimming up behind his closed eyelids, all out of order: Hakkai facing Guantan, cold as ice. Guantan's eyes staring into his, even colder than that. Hakkai, naked and vine-covered, claws and long pointed ears, sitting out on the rocks like something that lived there naturally. Guantan laughing and saying he liked Gojyo, and making it sound like a death sentence. Hakkai telling him he'd be sure to eat, and smiling that crazy-ass smile. Guantan complaining about having to bury his guys deep so _youkai_ wouldn't get them and eat them. The vultures circling overhead. The landscape swinging past his eyes as Hakkai picked him up, and behind him ..._something covered with a tarp weighted with rocks ... something about two meters long and a little less than a meter wide._ So scavengers wouldn't get it ... .

_Other_ scavengers.

_"I'll eat ... later,"_ he'd said.

_Oh, hell no, Hakkai! You wouldn't ... ._

Fuck yes. He would.

Gojyo rolled onto his side and managed to miss the blanket and the grass as he vomited up most of what he'd just eaten. When the retching finally stopped, he tried to reach the nearest water bottle, but the darkness came oozing up again. This time he welcomed it like it was an old friend, closing his mind's eye against what he imagined his lover was doing.

 

  
  
  
  
**V.**      |   
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Waking with the taste of sick in his mouth was old territory for Gojyo. And there was a smell of broth, and rice cooking, and tea. _Gods in heaven, that must've been some crazy shit I was drinking ... Hakkai's going to kill me._ He rubbed his crusted eyes, frowning at the stiffness in his left arm, and the way his right shoulder twinged and ached. His eyelids fluttered open.

Rock walls and ceiling, and not the old, stained plaster of their tiny house near Chang'an; evening light and lamplight, not daylight. And Hakkai ... was tending a fire over on the other side of the cavern, stirring things in pots. He'd stripped off his unfamiliar shirt; the light of a small safety lantern shone mellowly on his back and shoulders, showing up the vines on his skin so that it looked like painted porcelain. He'd set himself up a whole little kitchen in the time Gojyo was out, and put together another grass-and-blanket bed several feet further along the wall. _Crap. We're ... here. How long did I sleep?_

The broth smelled like ... some kind of meat.

Gojyo fought down the sickness again and this time managed to grab the water bottle. He was far too relieved about that to notice, at first, that he was able to prop himself on the elbow of his bad arm – even though it hurt – and hold the bottle in his other hand and drink, without assistance.

Hakkai looked around at the sound of his gulping, then moved the pots off the flame a little and came over to crouch at Gojyo's side as he set the bottle down, gasping a little. "Gojyo," he said, gently, and reached out his clawed hand to feel his friend's forehead. "When did you become nauseated?"

To his dismay, Gojyo wanted to rub his cheek against Hakkai's hand, to reach out and pull him close, to let the feel of him take away all the rotten things that had happened in the past 24 hours. _This is so fucked up – I should be totally grossed out by him right now._

He pulled away from Hakkai a little, clenching his hands into fists. "Y-you ate that g-guy, didn't you?"

Hakkai went very still. Only his good eye moved, studying Gojyo's face. After a moment, he shifted his hand down, touched the corner of Gojyo's mouth with the tip of a claw, then sat back on his haunches and sighed. "That's why you were sick ... . not all of him, obviously. His heart, and part of one leg."

"Dammit, Hakkai! How can you just say that like that? You ... shit, you crazy bastard, you just ate – just ate part of a man!"

"A man? With what he was going to do with you? Should I consider him a man? I heard him, Gojyo! I'd found the place where you'd slept. The ground nearby was soaked with blood – your blood. I could smell it hundreds of yards away. And it was so easy to track – you were bleeding all the way to their campsite. Your blood, on the ground – spilled on the sand, the rocks. And I saw as they seized you, and hit you on the head to stun you like a calf meant for slaughter, and carried you up to the rock. And I heard that cruel voice telling you how he meant to kill you. He was _enjoying_ your pain and despair. He was a beast, Gojyo – worse than an animal. It was so terribly ironic that he called _me_ a monster. He owed me. His heart was the least he could give me, Gojyo, to pay for what he did to you. I would have torn it out while he still lived, and eaten it before his eyes, if I had had the time."

He'd never, ever heard Hakkai talk with that much passion. "But ... but –"

"No 'buts,' Gojyo." Hakkai said, firmly. He grabbed Gojyo's hand and pressed it to his cheek, his mouth. "He owed you even more, so much more," he murmured against Gojyo's skin. "If I thought you would have eaten it, I'd have brought his heart back, to share it with you. You should have had _his_ blood to drink."

_Oh hell, this isn't happening. I **didn't** just have my best friend offer to share some bastard's bloody heart with me ... ._

Now Hakkai was crouching over him, rubbing his face against Gojyo's, nuzzling into his neck. At last he lay down, his ear against Gojyo's chest, over his heart and the scar that had distracted Guantan, his arms wrapped gently around his lover. Gojyo closed his eyes, and then felt strange, prickly little pressures settling on his arms and neck. "What –?"

He raised his head to look. Little vines were crawling off Hakkai and onto him, holding them together. They were tiny, and warm like Hakkai. Once they stopped moving, he hardly felt them at all. "I hope you don't mind," murmured Hakkai. "I thought you would die before I could get to you. I was so frightened of that, Gojyo."

Gopjyo sighed and let his head fall back. His vision was blurring, but he didn't seem to be passing out again. He felt something wet drip across his temple, into his hair. Hakkai squirmed a little farther up and kissed him there, the tip of his tongue stroking lightly. "Why are you crying?"

He hadn't even realized that he was. "Crap. Hakkai, I should be trying to get the hell away from you – you _ate_ somebody. But I'm only just ... all I want to do is curl up and sleep with you and forget all the shit that's gone down."

"Gojyo ... maybe it's just because you're not human either, not really. No one you really care about is."

"Except Sanzo."

Hakkai lay still for a moment and then shuddered. "Yes," he said, in a very quiet voice. "Except for him."

He sounded so lost that it cut right through Gojyo's own misery. He managed to move his arms enough to wrap them around Hakkai, so that they were just clinging together. Gojyo started to drift off to sleep, but Hakkai was increasingly twitchy and restless. At last he let go and pulled away to sit back on his heels, his vine-wreathed face a calm mask. "You should eat now, Gojyo."

Gojyo's stomach, reminded that there was food available, growled. _Shut up,_ he thought at it, remembering where this whole conversation had started. "What's in the soup, Hakkai?" It was an accusation.

"I _would not_ do that to you, Gojyo. It's the same dried mutton you had before." All the vines let go and ran back into Hakkai's skin. He stood up, smoothly. "You want me, but you don't trust me."

_Damn._

Dinner was a silent meal. Hakkai helped Gojyo sit up with a minimum of fuss and served him rice, the soup, and tea. He rinsed the bowls, spoon, and chopsticks with a trickle of water, wiping them dry on a rag that had been part of Gojyo's shirt, then banked the fire and put out the lantern. It was very dark by that point, and Gojyo heard rather than saw him settle down on the other pallet.

"Hakkai?"

_Silence_.

"Thanks for dinner ... and for savin' my ass."

The silence stretched out again, Finally, Hakkai sighed. "Well. I have a use for it, after all. Your ass, I mean. And I must try to find you something more nutritious to eat. I can't see you recovering quickly on a diet of rice and dried meat soup."

The silence fell again, but it was warmer and not as empty as before. Gojyo lay back down and listened to Hakkai's breathing. He wished he could feel the warmth of his friend's body as well, but he still quickly dropped into a deep sleep.

  
  
  
  
**VI.**      |   
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Gojyo awoke to the feel of his hair being gently combed. He opened his eyes and discovered Hakkai sitting cross-legged at his head, gently teasing at Gojyo's hair with his claws. "I don't think either of us was quite himself yesterday. I can't imagine how I let you go to sleep with your hair like this – it's dried all in knots."

Gojyo reflected that Hakkai _still_ wasn't quite himself, but luckily his mouth filled up with a yawn and he didn't say it. He rolled over and sat up to let Hakkai get at the tangles on the back of his head. His shoulder and thigh pulled and twinged, but –

"Whoa – look at this! I can sit up by myself!"

Hakkai wrapped his arms around him from behind, gently, and kissed him firmly on the mouth when he turned his head. "Fortunately for us both, you have a very strong constitution." He continued picking carefully at the tangles. Gojyo slowly drew his legs up to sit cross-legged himself. He could feel Hakkai's shins against the back of his hips, and the contact and the attention made him feel comfortable and relaxed. Yesterday's events teased at his memory like the remains of a nightmare, but he ignored them as hard as he could. Hakkai sounded just like he always did. He was so damn smart. Somehow he'd make things come out OK.

"I need to go out hunting," murmured Hakkai to the back of his neck, when the claws began to run smoothly through Gojyo's hair.

_Shit._ "Hunting for what?"

Hakkai rested his hands lightly on Gojyo's shoulders. "A goat, probably. I killed and ate part of a young one that first evening, but I wasn't functioning very well at that point, and I didn't think about saving or preserving any of it. I imagine some jackal had a feast ... ."

Gojyo turned around to to look at him. Both eyes were unfocused and pointed somewhere way past Gojyo's head. "So what happened to you, anyway?"

Hakkai blinked and then gave him a pasted-on smile. "The Minus Wave, I think."

"You're kidding."

"Not at all." He squeezed Gojyo's shoulders gently and stood up. "Can you move about the place? Even by crawling? I don't want you to try to stand yet. I'll heal you further after I come back, and we've both eaten."

No one could ever make Hakkai talk when he didn't want to, except maybe Sanzo. Resignedly, Gojyo rocked forward onto his hands and knees and crept toward the fireplace. It worked pretty well, but he felt really stupid doing it. It was almost a relief to look back and see Hakkai watching his ass intently, like a lover and not like a doctor. He winked. Hakkai smiled – a real one, this time. "I'm glad to see you're feeling so much better. Please drink as much broth and water as you can while I'm gone. There's some rice in the covered pot on the left."

He grabbed the little backpack, rolled the boulder across the entrance to the cavern, and slipped out before Gojyo had a chance to say anything else. Gojyo sighed and got himself breakfast. He had wanted to try standing up, but he was feeling a bit shaky just after crawling a dozen feet across that part of the cave.

Hakkai had arranged everything they now owned neatly against the wall a few feet from his makeshift kitchen. Some more clothes, including the stuff Hakkai had salvaged and washed yesterday, a box that was actually a first aid kit, a pack of cards, a small coil of rope, a bottle of liquor, Hakkai's watch, Gojyo's lighter, four packs of cigarettes (one of which, battered and blood-stained, was his own), and a soft leather pouch. The little bag held some dice, a handful of silver coins – and Hakkai's limiters. _He must've taken them out of my pocket when he checked me over the first time._

_Why didn't he take his limiters with him?_

The smell of the tobacco was pulling at him. He wondered whether he was supposed to be smoking. But Hakkai hadn't said not to, and it would have been easy enough to hide the cigarettes someplace where Gojyo couldn't find them. He tucked the cards, lighter, and one pack of cigarettes into the pockets of his hand-me-down trousers and crawled over to a more-or-less flat spot near the entrance, where the light was better.

He sat there for what felt like a couple of hours, playing endless hands of poker and blackjack against himself, using pebbles for chips because there weren't enough coins to work well. As time went on, he found it harder and harder to concentrate on the game, and he had smoked half the remaining cigarettes in the packet.

_I'd better stop smoking these. Who knows when I'll get more?_

_ Why did I think that?_

Because Hakkai wasn't talking about their companions or about getting back to them. Because Hakkai seemed to be setting up housekeeping here for the long term. Because Hakkai had eaten part of a human being yesterday and didn't seem to think anything was wrong with that.

Gojyo dropped the meaningless cards onto the ground and got slowly to his feet. He felt a little woozy, but he didn't black out. He braced his back against the boulder and pushed as hard as he could with his legs. Hot pangs shot through the half-healed bullet wounds, and his vision went gray and weird and started slipping away. And the boulder didn't move.

He let himself drop to the ground and lay there, panting a little with pain and effort. Then he gathered himself up and crawled over to the kitchen and had some more broth and water, like Hakkai had told him to. And then he lay back down on his pallet to stare at the rocky ceiling until Hakkai came back.

At last he heard footsteps outside. "Gojyo! Are you out of the way of our door?"

Hakkai sounded happy – really happy. "Um ... yeah. I'm lying down."

A pause; then –"Are you all right?" Now he sounded anxious. Gojyo felt bad for worrying him. The boulder shifted and rolled, and Hakkai came through. He smelled of the outdoors – and blood. There was a furry, slightly bloody bundle dangling from one hand, and green leaves were erupting out of the pack on his back. He went over to drop everything in front of the hearth, his eyes on Gojyo.

"Yeah. I just ... tired myself out. I ... . Hell. I tried to move that damn rock."

Hakkai came over and squatted down next to him. He brushed Gojyo's hair back from his face, the claws barely touching his skin. "Why did you do that?"

_Because I wondered if I should start planning my escape._

But that wasn't really true. It was more like he just needed to know whether it was even possible.

"I'm goin' a little bugfuck, trapped in here," he lied. And felt his ears burning.

"Well, I hope you just proved to yourself how impossible it would be for you to survive out there right now, if I weren't around." Hakkai ran his hands lightly over the injured areas, his eyes unfocused as he use his _chi_ to see into the wounds. "It doesn't look like you did yourself any serious harm. Hmm. I'm going to have to insist that you eat what I've planned for your lunch. I know you don't like liver, but it will help your body build your blood supply back up."

Gojyo grimaced reflexively. He was both relieved and oddly disappointed that Hakkai didn't seem to have noticed he was lying.

Hakkai got busy with his cooking. It smelled pretty tasty – like real food. Gojyo curled onto his good side and watched. Hakkai seemed to have found a lot of things to eat, which was a little surprising: everything had looked like rocks and sand and weeds to Gojyo. When Hakkai called him to come eat, he got to his feet slowly and defiantly under his friend's disapproving gaze and walked across to sit down like a man, ignoring the pain in his thigh. Lunch was liver with wild onions and garlic (said Hakkai), and greens, and rice. Gojyo was hungry enough to eat all of it, which seemed to put him in Hakkai's good graces once again.

"How'd you find all this stuff? It's the next thing to a desert out there."

"Oh, it's really not that barren. You just need to know where to look. But I do wish I had my botanical guidebook. And we're going to use up what's nearby pretty quickly."

There was a little silence. "No books," said Gojyo, slowly.

"No books," agreed Hakkai, smiling slightly. "No bars. No pretty young ladies to make eyes at you."

"Nope. And no wineshops with plum brandy and shoju. And no spice merchants."

The amused light died out of Hakkai's eyes and he looked down at the empty bowls. "And no market from which to buy an injured friend wholesome food on a predictable basis." He sighed. "I'm going to get these washed properly this time. When I come back, I should be able to make you much more comfortable."

When Hakkai went out to wash the crockery, Gojyo slipped out after him and sat down on a rock near the entrance. He hadn't really taken in their surroundings the day before. They were close enough to the stream to hear the water once he was outside, and perhaps because of that, there were lots of little birds hopping around and chirping in the scrawny bushes that grew out of the weathered red stone. The sky overhead was a brilliant blue, and the air was fresh and smelled like sweet dried grass.

_It's still the butt-end of Nowhere._

Hakkai was pissed off when he got back with the dishes and saw Gojyo outside. "What if I'd been another band of those hunters, or some feral _youkai_? Think, Gojyo! Can you even use your weapon right now?"

That was an interesting question. He stood up carefully. Then he summoned the shakujou and looked at Hakkai smugly. Hakkai set the bowls down between some rocks, and gave him a deadly serious look back. "Try to hit me with it."

"Um, Hakkai ... ."

"I'm quite serious, Gojyo, and I'm not worried at all."

Gojyo wound up and let fly. Hakkai evaded the weak blow easily, and Gojyo staggered with sudden dizziness and sat down abruptly on some unnecessarily hard and pointy rocks. The weapon clattered to the ground and then disappeared again. "Shit!"

Hakkai sighed and went to help him up. "Now I guess I have to examine your rear end as well."

"Yeah, I bet you will, you pervert," muttered Gojyo, but his heart wasn't in it. His arms had felt like an old man's, the shoulder wound had felt like a small knife was going through it, and one little half turn had put him on the ground. He limped back into the cavern, followed by Hakkai with the dishes, and lay down on his pallet without waiting for Hakkai to tell him to do it.

Hakkai spent another few minutes puttering around with his pots and the rest of the goat and some other stuff. Gojyo mostly stared at the ceiling – or whatever you called what was over top of you in a cave. _OK. Yesterday at this time, I was flat out unconscious, and he was eating that sadistic fuck's insides bloody raw. Today I can get up and walk and wipe my own ass, and he's cooking and eating real food and worrying about washing the dishes. Things are getting better. This is not so bad._

But the thought of how far he still was from his usual strength was terrifying.

He turned his head to look as Hakkai came over quietly and sat down beside him. "Yeah, you tried to warn me."

"I'm sorry, Gojyo. You simply have to be patient. And stay inside for now. The fresh air would probably be better for you, but if something should attack, you can't fight and you can't run."

Gojyo reached up and pulled Hakkai down next to him. Hakkai let him – Gojyo knew damn well he could have resisted. He was warm and solid and reassuring, and if Gojyo closed his eyes, nothing was different from how it had always been, really. "I hate this, Hakkai. And we need to get back. They're waiting for us."

"You can't go anywhere right now, Gojyo." Hakkai propped himself up on one elbow and traced the outline of Gojyo's face with the tip of one claw, then dropped his hand gently to Gojyo's hip. "Do you feel like anything serious happened here when you fell?"

"Just my pride busted up. I mean, my ass feels bruised, but that's all." He moved a little under Hakkai's hand. It felt good to be touched, even with bruises there. Hakkai pulled back gently and sat up again.

"Lay back, please – completely flat. I need to examine all the injuries again and heal up anything that I couldn't finish yesterday."

Gojyo sighed softly but did as he was told. Hakkai shifted to a kneeling posture, concentrated for a few seconds and then moved his clawed hands across Gojyo's scalp, his injured shoulder, down over his torso to his thigh, and then rested lightly on his hips for a moment, frowning and moving his lips from time to time as though talking to himself. At last he sighed. "Yes, this is all quite repairable. You _did_ tear that shoulder wound a bit just recently. It might have been when I dared you to strike at me; that was terribly irresponsible of me ... ."

"Tch. Forget all that. You're gonna fix it all, so why worry?"

Hakkai gazed at him for a moment, and his frown of worry and concentration eased, and was replaced by a sweet smile. "Hold still for me, then." Again he moved his hands over the injured places, but more slowly. The faint glow and hum of his _chi_ in use was a familiar sound to Gojyo, and equally familiar was the faint prickle in his flesh, followed by gentle warmth, as the injuries were soothed away. On his bruised butt, the injuries were so minor that there was nothing but warmth, and he pulled up his knees to encourage Hakkai to move his hands around onto his ass proper. "You can do that some more, ya know," he said, as Hakkai pulled back his hands and looked at him quizzically.

"I take it that means you're feeling better?" asked Hakkai, primly. Gojyo wanted to laugh, partially because the prissy expression on Hakkai's face was terribly funny for a guy with vines all over and two hands full of razor-sharp claws, and partially because hell yes, he felt a _lot_ better. It was funny how he hadn't realized how much the last bits of pain from the bullet wounds had been bothering him until it stopped. "Yeah," he said, catching Hakkai's eye and making his voice as smoldering as he could. "C'mere, gorgeous."

Hakkai got the strangest look on his face. Gojyo had thought he was getting better at reading past the vines, but maybe not. "Gojyo ... I'm not sure ... ."

"Not sure of _what_?" Gojyo rolled on his side and groped one hand up Hakkai's thigh. Before he could get it to his goal, Hakkai dropped his hand on top, pinning him.

"Gojyo –" Hakkai flexed the claws on his other hand. "I don't want to hurt you ... ."

The obvious answer to that was _put your damn limiters back on!_ But something screwy was going on with Hakkai and the limiters. It wasn't like he didn't know where they were, and it made no sense that he hadn't been putting them on inside the cave, even if he felt it was safer to be a full _youkai_ outside.

"Hakkai, look. Have you been gouging yourself when you take a piss? Did you cut me at all that whole time you were carrying me, even when I shifted around? You know how to handle the damn claws, without even trying! I _trust_ you, Hakkai!"

Hakkai still had Gojyo's hand pinned, but he was thinking about it. His breathing was a little faster, the slit pupil of his good eye was open almost all the way, and this close up, even Gojyo's more limited nose could smell the beginnings of his arousal. "Gojyo, you may trust me, but I don't know whether to trust myself. It's not just the claws – I'm a lot stronger now. You have no idea how far gone you were when I finally got to you, and I could hurt you as badly as he did."

"Well, so maybe not fucking – this time. What about a little 69?" Gojyo curled up so that his knees were up against Hakkai's folded legs. "C'mon, I know you're getting hard. I've been feeling like shit, and I wanna feel good again. I wanna see you naked again, Hakkai, now that I can appreciate it. I wanna taste those vines on your dick."

"Gojyo ... ! For heaven's sake –" Hakkai picked up the hand he'd been pinning and slid Gojyo's fingers into his mouth. Gojyo hummed appreciatively, then stopped abruptly as his fingertips encountered the fangs. _Damn, they're sharp ... ._

Hakkai gently removed Gojyo's hand from his mouth and placed it firmly onto the pallet in front of Gojyo's chest. "You see. I don't want to even think of what might happen." He was trembling – with desire, not fear, thought Gojyo. Or maybe it was a little of both.

_Shit ... ._

"Dammit, Hakkai, no way in hell am I giving up sex with you just because you don't wanna put those limiters back on! Look, you can just lie back and behave yourself, and I'll blow you! And then you can hold me an' I'll snuggle up and jerk off – it's still better than nothing. Fuck, I'm in good enough shape to give a blowjob, Hakkai! And – and didn't you once tell me, cum is full of all kinds of _good-for-you_ shit? Here you're worrying about getting me the right kinda food to eat –"

Hakkai looked so startled that Gojyo stopped dead. Then he relaxed and started laughing, a full-out, delicious laugh. "Oh, Gojyo ... !"

Gojyo was afraid to say anything, but he snuck his hand back onto Hakkai's knee. Hakkai covered it with his again, clutching it as he doubled up with laughter. "I ... I can't believe you said that," he finally managed to say. His eyes were damp, but they looked happy. "I've been trying to get you to learn the importance of good nutrition for years now – and _that's_ what you remember!"

He lay down full length next to Gojyo and carefully wrapped his arms around him. Gojyo returned the embrace and kissed him, gently and then harder, stroking the tip of his tongue across the crevice where Hakkai's lips came together. Hakkai opened for him, letting him explore the sharp teeth, the tongue felt that longer and more pointed than before. Gojyo worked his thigh between Hakkai's and pressed against him, rocking a little, feeling his hardness. Hakkai broke the kiss and nuzzled his ear: "All right, You win. You're in charge, Gojyo ... ." His voice was hot and breathless.

Gojyo pushed him down onto the blanket and started unbuttoning his shirt. "Gotta get this pug-ugly thing off you ... ." He bent his head and started kissing and licking the vine-covered skin as it was revealed. As he got down to the rough island of scar tissue, the little vines began to lift and stroke his neck and face, grabbing at his shirt buttons. He brushed his lips along one of them, and then took it gently in his mouth, stroking the little leaves with the tip of his tongue. They tasted a little salty, faintly musky, like Hakkai. Hakkai let out a long, shaky breath, and Gojyo released the tendril gently.

"Good?"

Hakkai slipped one hand between his legs, fingers crooked and claws curled away into a loose fist, and rubbed the bulge in Gojyo's pants with the back of his knuckles. "More than good."

Gojyo lowered his head again, licking down the trails of the vines, panting a little. He pulled the shirt-tails out of the ill-fitting pants, and then the button and zipper of Hakkai's pants were right in front of him, Hakkai's erection pulling the fabric so tight on each side, even though the pants were otherwise too big. He slipped the fastenings open one-handed and then paused for a second as he was confronted with an unfamiliar pair of boxers in a gaudy red and blue paisley.

"Don't laugh," said Hakkai, although he sounded as though he was trying not to do that himself. "It was either you or me, and you were injured ... ."

"Heh. True friendship ... they gotta go, they're disgusting." He tugged at the waistband, getting it up and over Hakkai's dick, and – there. "Oh wow," he breathed. As he'd guessed, the vines were larger now, and seemed to be standing out a little, like veins – deep green veins, against the flushed, dusky plum-rose flesh. He tugged impatiently at the cloth. Hakkai shifted so that the trousers and boxers could slide off together.

Gojyo bent to trace the salty, tender vines from the middle of Hakkai's shaft down the the root, where they disappeared into the darkness of his pubic hair, and then back up again toward the moist tip. Hakkai trembled. "Gojyo ... not too much teasing ... I don't know whether I can ... ."

"It's OK," Gojyo murmured against his hot skin, but he opened his mouth anyway and swallowed Hakkai down.

Hakkai sighed, and for a moment Gojyo felt claws pricking against his scalp. "Sorry," whispered Hakkai. When he pulled his hand away, Gojyo started to move, pulling back, and then taking him deep again. After a moment, Hakkai started to move as well – shallow, short little thrusts at first. Then he growled, deep in his throat. tangled his fingers in Gojyo's hair, and pushed in deeply. Claws bit in again; Gojyo nearly gagged and started to panic. Then he got hold of himself and let Hakkai feel his teeth – once, twice. Hakkai froze, released him, and then slowly settled back onto the pallet again. Gojyo could hear his harsh breathing, and the next time Gojyo pulled back, Hakkai gasped, moaned, and came.

Gojyo swallowed, and then licked and kissed him gently until he was soft again. Clawed hands reached down and tugged gently. "Gojyo ... ."

He let Hakkai pull him up into an embrace. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to –"

"Nothing happened – just be quiet." said Gojyo, fiercely, and stopped him from babbling out any more silly apologies by kissing him, hard, licking into his open mouth, pressing his own hard length against Hakkai's hip. Hakkai rolled gently, reversing their positions so that Gojyo was on his back, then started to suck and lick his way down across Gojyo's cheek and jaw, onto his neck. "These clothes –" he whispered, tugging at Gojyo's shirt; "Take them off, please. We don't have many to spare, and I don't know if I can handle buttons right now."

"Shit, then you need to get off me for a minute –"

Hakkai rolled aside and leaned on one elbow to watch Gojyo strip down, the _youkai_ eye and the human-looking fake eye watching him with equal attention. Gojyo wasn't so far gone as to try standing up, but he got up on his knees and gave Hakkai a rake's grin as he unbuttoned his shirt, pulled it off, and tossed it aside. Hakkai looked fantastic, sated but far from exhausted, skin gleaming with sweat, tendrils of his longer hair clinging to his face, and his dick still damp from his lover's mouth. Gojyo unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, and got them halfway down his thighs along with his shorts before Hakkai pounced on him, growling softly, licking hard down his neck, his chest, pausing to grasp a nipple gingerly with those sharp, sharp teeth. After the first stunned seconds, some part of Gojyo's mind realized what care Hakkai was taking in all this, and he relaxed, reaching out to run his hands along Hakkai''s sides, down his legs – any part of him that he could reach. The little vines woke and rose up to meet his fingers, stroking against them, twining around them.

Hakkai's mouth licked its way down his belly and into his groin, skated past the root of his dick, and caressed his balls. Gojyo panted and kicked his pants and boxers off, then put his feet flat on the blanket and spread his thighs as much as he could. Hakkai got his shoulder under Gojyo's right leg and pushed it gently toward his chest, rubbing his palm along Gojyo's shaft, and then, with the tip of his tongue, started to tease Gojyo's hole.

Gojyo tensed. "Hakkai .. ?"

Hakkai kissed his pucker and then raised his head. "I thought you said trusted me. Don't worry – you did a very good job, Gojyo. It's all right: I feel quite calm, now."

Gojyo looked down past his own hard-on, which seemed unaffected by his sudden doubts. Hakkai looked perfectly in control of himself. The gleam in his eyes was only the one he'd seen hundreds of times before, just as Hakkai got a great idea that would leave him cursing and groaning with pleasure. Gojyo let his head drop back. "I _do_ trust you, Hakkai."

"Good," said Hakkai. And thrust his long _youkai_ tongue deep inside Gojyo the next second.

"Ahh, _shit!_ That's ... .!" _Fucking amazing_ is what he meant to say, but the feeling that washed up from his ass seemed to disconnect his brain from his mouth. And _fucking_ seemed to be the right word, as Hakkai did it again, and again, and again ... . Gojyo's dick felt like it wanted to fucking explode. He was going to absolutely, completely, totally die of too much sensation. Then Hakkai's palm started to rub along Gojyo's shaft in time to the thrusting of his tongue, and Gojyo really did explode the very next minute, all over his own belly, and things got awfully dark.

A moment later, he felt Hakkai licking gently up over his balls and along his softening dick, then lapping up the come from his stomach and chest. When he got to Gojyo's face, he stopped suddenly, then peered into Gojyo's eyes. "Look at me," he demanded. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Shit," said Gojyo, very clearly. "Blacked out a couple seconds, I think."

Hakkai blinked and then went all Dr. Hakkai for a minute, very serious as he ran his hand through the air just over the side of Gojyo's head. Then he cupped Gojyo's face instead, leaning in to kiss his scarred cheek. "No harm done. You simply still don't have as much blood in your body as you should. Let me get you a water bottle –"

He did so, and then brought over a bowl of warm water and some clean rags to sponge them both off. "I must say, Gojyo-san, that the bathing facilities in this inn leave something to be desired."

"Yeah, we should write a nasty letter to the newspaper and tell 'em we ain't ever gonna stay here again. But at least we don't have to worry about disturbin' His Holiness and the monkey."

Hakkai's face closed up again. He sighed and rose to carry out the dirty water. Gojyo cursed himself for mentioning the others and wrecking the cozy mood. But it was bound to happen. He reached for his discarded boxers, which were ordinary, slightly dingy white cotton. As he put them on, he wondered which of Guantan's hunters had worn them, and which one had been the madman who liked the paisley ones.

Hakkai came back, silent and unreadable, as Gojyo was putting on his trousers, leaning on the wall in case of sneaky blackouts. He stopped, one leg in and one still out, to watch Hakkai dress. _He's really amazing-looking like this. He was always so damn pretty, but now ... ._ Hakkai looked up as he was maneuvering his clawed fingers through his sleeves and, noticing Gojyo's gaze, smiled slightly. "You look as though you like what you see."

Gojyo felt himself flush. "I do."

Hakkai shrugged on the shirt and came over to put his arm around Gojyo, steadying him as he finished dressing. "You should take a nap now. I'll wake you for supper."

"You, too."

"Gojyo, no."

"Look, you healed me of all kinds of crap yesterday, you carried me for miles, you washed me, you ran all the way back ... ." _And ate that bastard's heart – _ He sidestepped the thought as soon as he had it. "– and then here again, with a big pack on. And then today, you got up and hunted and made lunch and healed me some more, and then we screwed around. I don't know how you're still standing, Hakkai."

"_Gojyo._ I don't think I need ... "

"I'll sleep a lot better."

Hakkai looked completely fed up at this blatant manipulation, and then he just laughed. "You win – again. You're getting your way far too often today, Gojyo."

_Score!_ Gojyo lowered himself cautiously down onto the rumpled, sex-smelling blankets, bending his head so that Hakkai wouldn't see his smug grin. Hakkai lay down next to him and rolled on his side so that Gojyo could spoon up behind him. Gojyo wrapped his arm around his lover, pressed his face against his shoulder, and fell asleep almost instantly.

  
  
  
  
**VII.**      |   
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"Gojyo ... ."

This time, as he woke, he felt almost normal. Happy, even. Hakkai was calling his name, and the air smelled deliciously of roasting meat. He rolled over and sat up. Lamplight made the cave look smaller, and cozy. Gawd, Hakkai had even set the table, sort of – there were some wildflowers in a bottle between two place settings laid out on one flat section of the cave floor, and the food was arranged in bowls and pots beyond it. Gojyo felt a sudden pang of nostalgia for the kitchen table back home, where Hakkai could play happy housewife with the nice dishes he'd saved up to buy and a real vase. Even if it was hard to associate that with the rather scary person who was smiling at him now, all long pointed ears and vine-covered skin ... .

"You look well," said Hakkai. "How do you feel?"

"Hungry. Somethin' smells great."

"I'm glad. The grocery situation ... well. Fortunately there was some sugar among the supplies, and salt, and soy sauce, and five-spice powder. And liquor. I made a rather patched-together marinade before our nap. I guess it's rather pointless to ask you to wash?"

"You tell me how, and I'll do it."

That earned a sweet smile. "Come back here, where the roof slopes down – watch your head. Now, hold out your hands ... ." Hakkai poured a little water from one of the bottles over his hands. The water spilled over the rock below and flowed away toward the low rear portion of the cave. Gojyo dried his hands on a bit of rag and followed Hakkai back to the not-quite-table.

There was the spit-roasted goat, and tender vegetable shoots, and plenty of rice. And water to drink. "What about that liquor?"

"Not tonight, Gojyo. If you continue to improve – maybe tomorrow."

He tried to look sad and pitiful. "Yes, doctor."

"That's exactly what I wish to hear from my patient," said Hakkai, dryly. But his eyes were crinkling at the corners, and he looked so damn happy that Gojyo had to grin at him.

"Keep lookin' at me like that, and my head's gonna be as big as the Temple at Chang'an."

"It's just so good to see you looking like yourself, full of sass and angling for a drink ... . Gojyo, what happened to you yesterday? How did you fall into the hands of – those creatures?"

Gojyo pulled out his cigarettes and looked up questioningly. Hakkai sighed impatiently and nodded. Gojyo lit up, inhaled deeply, and blew out the smoke in a long, thin stream.

"Well ... . It started the day before. We patched Sanzo up, and waited for you awhile. His Holy Pissiness said we needed to find a better camp and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, so we went down the road a few miles and found a stream, and an old farmhouse. But that night, I couldn't sleep for shit. I decided to go back for you. Goku must've been frettin' about Sanzo, 'cause he woke up when I got up to leave. But he said he wouldn't stop me. So I walked for the rest of the night, gettin' back to where we had the fight." He took another drag and continued. "I got there a couple hours after dawn. Someone had piled up all the bodies into a pyre, and done a half-assed job of burning 'em. Fuckin' creepy. I found where I'd last seen you, but by that time, my eyes were crossing like hell, so I found a spot to sack out. When I woke up, those clowns had me surrounded. When the bossman – Guantan – saw my eyes, he told 'em to take me. I killed a couple of 'em, but then he shot me with that fuckin' big pistol of his and knocked me down and out. When I came to, he was questioning me about the guys we fought – he thought I was with 'em. He said he an' his guys were _youkai_ hunters. The way he said it, it was like they aren't the only ones in the area. And I got mouthy back at him, and he decided he needed to make an example outta me, and ... you know the rest."

Hakkai reached across and gently touched the corner of Gojyo's mouth. "... Yes."

It was funny how Hakkai could say stuff without saying it. "I don't really think it would've mattered what I said – he was gonna kill me anyway. He had problems with _youkai_. Th' minute he saw that I was a half-breed – that was it."

"I'm sure you're right. And I'm very glad that I killed him."

"Yeah. Me too." _But you didn't have to eat his heart ... not to mention his leg._

He might as well have said it out loud: it was clear that Hakkai knew what he was thinking. His smile grew a little more fake, and somehow his eyes – hell, yeah, even the false one – seemed to glitter. "You don't sound terribly happy about it, Gojyo."

"Heh ... . The thing is ... sure, we're all better off without _him_. But some of those guys – I mean, he was good-lookin' and he could really talk. They were stupid. They thought he was somethin' special –"

"They didn't have to follow him. And they were going to help torture and kill _you_."

Gojyo shook his head, frustrated. Finally, he mimed throwing away a piece of rubbish. "– water under the bridge."

Hakkai stared at him for a moment, frowning, and then his expression softened. Gojyo felt a gentle touch on his bare foot and looked down. A slender vine tendril had uncoiled from Hakkai's ankle and made its way across the rocky floor to loop loosely around his. Gojyo swallowed, then reached down to pat it, awkwardly. "So – what happened to _you_?"

"Ah. Well ... ." Hakkai rubbed a hand over his face for a moment. He glanced at Gojyo, and then away. Finally, with his gaze on the dimly-lit rock walls behind his friend, he began again.

"You know I ran after those three. This group was clearly much more organized than those partisans of Kougaiji's that we have fought in the past, so of course the reasonable expectation was that they were going to try to get back to him and report their failure and our location. They had to be stopped. I ran up the hill ... . I – This is hard to explain."

He stopped again. Gojyo brushed the tips of his fingers over the little tendril on his ankle and waited.

"Gojyo ... you know I'm a person of words. I can't remember not knowing how to read, let alone speak. But whatever happened as I was pursuing those three – I had no words, no language. I don't even know whether I knew my own name. Suddenly, there was myself, and my prey. Not that I intended to devour them. But I knew they had to die. Once, they looked back ... do you remember, in the cellar, Gojyo? That time you were betrayed? Those criminals were afraid of me, but not like these three. These _knew_, somehow, that I was stronger, faster. They way they looked at me ... I remember a fierce joy, that they were so terrified. I ran the first one down almost immediately after that. The other two tried to be clever – they managed to elude me for a little while in a small canyon, and had some sort of ambush planned, I guess. It's so strange, I don't properly remember this. All I can see is pictures in my mind, and only now am I putting words to them."

Hakkai licked his lips, as though they were dry. Gojyo handed him his own water bottle. Hakkai drank for what seemed a long time and then continued.

"Well. Their plan didn't work, because I knew where they had left the trail – the tiniest broken twigs, the smallest bit of a footprint, I saw it all, instantly. It was as though I was born to do this. I came up behind them and killed one while he was still looking down from the rocks to where I should have been. The other fought, so I threw him down from the heights. He broke his back, and lay screaming. I went down after him, and killed him, because he was making too much noise and might attract other predators ... it was getting dark by then. I needed water, and food. I found a stream, by sound and scent and landscape, and when I had drunk my fill, I scented a flock of wild goats, and stalked and killed one in the twilight. It was all so easy, and so right, somehow. I ate, and then I searched along the stream for shelter. I found this cave, and curled up, and slept.

"The next morning, I woke, still with no real thought in my head. I needed to assess my new domain, I guess. I went out, and started quartering the territory around my den. After a short time, I scented ... prey, and competitors. Human beings ... Gojyo, I had no thought at all that these were _people_. It was the band of hunters who found you, of course. I had picked up the trail of their journey to where they found you, asleep. And then I scented your blood. I didn't think of your name at all, but I knew who you were ... I could see your face in my mind, and I knew I had to find you. And then I did. I heard their voices. At first, the words made no sense, but very quickly, with the sound of spoken language in my ears and your scent in the air I breathed, I began to come to myself. And I knew what I had to do ... that's the whole tale."

"What happened after you leaped at him? When I passed out again?"

"Oh, not much. His shot went wide, of course, when you threw yourself into him. Really, in the end, you saved us both, Gojyo. And I hit him dead on, and ripped out his throat. Then I stopped your bleeding and got you into the shade, and dragged the bodies a distance away. And healed you as much as I dared, and you woke up shortly after that. Ah ha ha ... I think sorting their goods was helpful to me at that point. It made me remember who I was. It's odd, isn't it, that I remembered who _you_ were, first ... ."

_Sorting stuff._ That kind of made sense – very Hakkai. But ... . "Wait. You knew who I was _how_? If you didn't know my name anymore?"

Hakkai looked at him with the same sort of feisty stare he'd used before, when Gojyo was thinking about how his buddy had been eating people. Except now Gojyo had that little piece of Hakkai wrapped around him, which sort of spoiled the effect. "I knew that ... the scent was that of my mate, you see."

Gojyo felt his mouth drop open, and his ears and cheeks were burning. He looked down at his empty bowl. There were still five or six grains of rice sticking to it. He picked up a chopstick and poked at them. "Y'know, someone could get the wrong idea, hearin' you say that ... ."

"I don't think it _is_ the wrong idea, Gojyo."

Hakkai's voice was clipped and brittle. _Fuck._ Gojyo felt the loose grip on his ankle release entirely. He reached down and grabbed, hard. "No – don't!"

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. The warm, living little cord in his hand was almost limp.

"Shit. Did that hurt?"

"Not really ... well. Not much. Don't _what_, Gojyo?"

"Don't ... let go."

Hakkai moved, suddenly, and was next to him, then all over him. Gojyo was sprawled across the floor, with Hakkai on top, and Hakkai was kissing him, hard, tongue thrusting inside his mouth. Dozens of vines were wrapping around him, firmly. But the hands in his hair, on his neck, were gentle, the claws held back carefully. Hakkai released his mouth and looked into his eyes, hard, his breath warm on Gojyo's face. "I _won't_ let you go. Ever. Is that a problem?"

Scary thought. Fuckin' scary. But when he thought about _forever_, didn't it always include Hakkai? Making things nice for him? Getting him things to eat? Fixing him up when he got hurt? Could he imagine a life where he couldn't see Hakkai and touch him, at least on the sly? Hear Hakkai's voice saying his name, with that little downward lilt that no one else used? See the back of his neck, in Jeep's front seat, ahead of him for hours on the road, holding the promise of that warm, strong, _kinky_ presence in his bed at night – when they could get the time by themselves?

"Fuck, no."

He was getting aroused all over again, but at his answer, Hakkai suddenly relaxed, his grip loosening, and buried his face in the crook of Gojyo's neck. Gojyo heard a tiny sigh, almost a whimper. The sound made him feel less horny, more tender and protective. He shifted so he could put his arms around Hakkai, and the vines shifted around too and eased their grip to let him. _Must have been really tough for him to realize his brain hadn't been working right. I bet he's been so busy taking care of me, he didn't actually think of it until just now, when he told me about it._

"Hakkai?"

"Hmm?"

"You feelin' OK?"

Hakkai laughed, and it was one of the saddest noises Gojyo had ever heard. "Oh, Gojyo ... what a question. No, I'm not. But I'm better than I was." He rolled away a little so that he could clasp one of Gojyo's hands in his. Then he raised their joined hands up to where they could both see them. Vines spilled off his wrist and spiraled around the handclasp. "You really don't mind this."

It was a statement, but Gojyo could hear the question in it. "Nope. I don't. It's ... _they're_ OK. I mean, they're part of you, you know?" He moved his hand to his mouth, bringing Hakkai's along with it, and kissed the twined tendrils. " I'm gettin' used to 'em. They smell and taste like you. They're soft, and warm. They're kinda cute, like this."

Hakkai just looked at him a minute, his mouth half open, like he wasn't sure what he was hearing. Then he smiled, a good smile, soft and happy. And grabbed Gojyo again and held him tight, tight. "I'm so lucky," he whispered against Gojyo's neck. "I don't know what I would have done if he'd killed you ... ."

Gojyo didn't know either, given what Hakkai had done anyway, even though Gojyo had still been breathing at that point. And he thought about what Hakkai had done last time someone he'd been sleeping with had been killed, and decided it was a really good thing that they were out here in the middle of Outer Pisslick, or wherever they were, and no one was around for miles and miles. He patted Hakkai's hair awkwardly with his free hand, and pressed his cheek against the vines, and wondered whether he could do anything about the fucking big rock that was starting to dig a hole in his back. The parts of Hakkai that were still draped over him felt heavier every minute. Gojyo wasn't surprised when he suddenly twitched and sat up, blinking. "Did'ja fall asleep?"

"Oh! Yes. I'm sorry, Gojyo. We ought to go to bed. I want ... well. If you continue to improve, I'll take you out with me tomorrow. But we should get an early start."

Gojyo rolled off the goddamned rock and sat up, rubbing his back. "OK. But if you think I'm gonna let you get away with sleepin' hell and away over there tonight, you've got another think coming."

"Then I expect you're well enough that you can move my bedding over with yours while I clean up dinner."

That was only fair. Gojyo took several trips to carry Hakkai's blankets and his heap of dry grass over to where his own pallet was, and then fussed around with the double pile a little, trying to make it more comfy. Not that it was really any worse than some of the ways they'd slept since they started West ... .

_"Better bring him back, you stupid kappa."_

He lay down on his belly and pillowed his head on his hands, watching Hakkai wipe out the bowls with a rag and a few drops of water. It was like his buddy was doing his best to pretend that a bunch of big rocks and some pots stolen from dead bounty hunters were a real kitchen. It was easy to accept Hakkai's vines and claws and ears when he was snuggled in Gojyo's arms. It was harder to think of it as normal or right when he was doing household stuff like this.

_And driving Jeep? Taking Sanzo's orders? Shopping for groceries in town?_

The pictures wouldn't come into his head. Even though he knew this was still Hakkai.

Hakkai finally had everything sorted out to his satisfaction and turned to him with a smile. "Ready for lights out?"

"Sure."

Hakkai put out the lamp, and Gojyo heard him cross the cavern. He rolled over and opened the blankets, and Hakkai slipped in beside him, settling down to lie curled against and around him, his head on Gojyo's chest. He gave a little sigh, a satisfied, contented sound. Gojyo draped an arm across his shoulders and brushed his fingertips over a pointed ear.

"That feels nice." Hakkai's voice was sleepy already. Gojyo felt rotten about what he was about to do.

"Hakkai?"

"Mmmm ... what?"

"When do you think I'll be well enough that we can go find Sanzo, and Goku? I don't know how long they're gonna wait for us. Sanzo's arm ... it wasn't pretty. They might have to go get help for him."

Hakkai stiffened, then reached up and covered Gojyo's mouth with a clawed hand. "No. I ... not now. Gojyo, I promise we'll talk about this tomorrow. Tomorrow night. Please. Go to sleep."

There was pain in his voice. Gojyo knew he couldn't gain anything by arguing. He patted Hakkai gently. "Yeah. OK."

He must have done a good job sounding like he meant that, because a couple of minutes later, Hakkai was asleep. Gojyo stayed awake for rather a long time afterward, feeling Hakkai warm and heavy on his chest, and finally surprised himself by praying to the merciful goddess to watch out for Sanzo and Goku.

  
  
  
  
**VIII.**      |   
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Hakkai woke him at oh-dark-thirty in the morning. Gojyo would have protested, but before he could open his mouth, he remembered that Hakkai was taking him outside, and he also remembered how sick he was getting of the inside of the cave. It was chilly at that hour, in spite of the hot tea and rice and the heavy shirt Hakkai had dug up for him. The red rock formations outside stood stark and cold and almost black against the pale dawn light to the east. But he was soon panting and sweating as Hakkai led the way up out of their little valley and over a shoulder of the hill that held their cave.

After 20 minutes of climbing, he had to stop and rest. Hakkai fussed over him, taking his pulse and making him drink most of a bottle of water as he perched on a boulder.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all ... Gojyo, I should take you back."

"Hell, no. I just needed a breather." He flexed his ankles a little, stretching his calves. His battered shoes were stiff from having the blood washed out of them. "Hey, Hakkai."

"Hmm?"

"Why no shoes? Aren't your feet gettin' messed up?"

Hakkai looked down at his feet, like he had forgotten that he was barefoot. He flexed his toes, and the claws there extended. "Well ... no, my feet aren't damaged at all. And it's easier to walk quietly this way. It would also be a bit complicated to get the shoes back on, I think. And of course, the claws are useful."

_No shit._ Gojyo remembered vividly how he'd used them last.

"If you've rested enough, perhaps we should go on."

"Sure."

Hakkai watched, sharp-eyed, as he stood carefully and stretched. _Not dizzy, though. That's an improvement._ "I'm good now. Let's go."

About 10 minutes later, they came up to the top of the ridge. Another valley spread out below them, much wider and flatter than theirs. After a moment, Gojyo realized that it was probably just as deep: the width and shape made it look much more shallow. It had a lot more things growing in it, and the rock formations on the far side showed pale, horizontal stripes.

"Heh, lookit that. Looks almost like someone's been painting 'em."

Hakkai stared at the rocks, frowning. "Yes, I saw those ... yesterday. What ... ?"

Gojyo looked back at him. His friend's eyes were slightly unfocused, and he seemed to be thinking. After a moment, his face cleared. "Ah. Haha ... those are bands of sediment. Of course ! The rocks were once part of an ancient seafloor."

Typical Hakkai. But ... come to think of it, he hadn't heard much of it in the past couple of days. A little bit of doctor stuff, and the mini-lecture about the things you could eat around here. But that was all. "A long time ago, right?"

"Oh, eons ago ... millions of years." Hakkai gazed at the striped rocks, bemused, and after a moment, shook his head. "This isn't getting us anything for dinner. Come along.... ."

He led the way down. Quite soon, Gojyo saw water flashing among the small trees and thick shrubs: a stream a good bit larger than theirs, almost a small river. The sun was about to come up over the horizon. Hakkai held out a hand and stopped him. "This is a good spot. You wait here."

It was a shallow shelf of rock with a good view of a section of sandy, muddy river bank, with low, herby-looking plants growing in thick patches on it. The water beyond was shallow, with shoals of gravel visible through the surface. Hakkai handed him the small pack, which he'd loaded with some food and water, and stripped off his shirt. "Sit," he instructed. "Stay still. Be quiet."

Gojyo would not have thought that going shirtless in prickly bushes like that was a good idea, but a moment later, it was as though Hakkai had vanished from sight. His nondescript khaki trousers and vine-covered torso blended in _perfectly_ with the dry ground and interlaced branches. And then nothing happened, for like, 10 minutes. Boring. At least he was outside. The sun came up, a huge, brilliant flare in the cloud-streaked sky, and Gojyo winced from the intense brightness. He wished he could smoke, but when someone with claws like that orders you to stay still, you do it.

Suddenly there was a burst of flapping noises over by the river. What looked like a flock of ducks had showed up and settled on the water. They started doing the duck thing, paddling around and turning butt-up to pick up junk to eat off the bottom. Hakkai was still patiently almost invisible in the shrubs, but somehow, he'd picked a spot only a couple of dozen yards from where the flock had come down. Eventually some of the ducks started to come ashore, poking around in the weeds and then settling down to rest.

Hakkai burst from the bushes like a rocket, grabbing a pair of ducks by their necks and giving them a sharp, spine-snapping shake, then dropping the limp bodies on the gravelly shore and going after some more. He managed to get another one before they all scattered, flapping noisily around him, and then regrouped in the air, flying off to find a resting-spot not occupied by such able predators. Then he gathered up his kill and started up the slope to where Gojyo waited.

He was smiling as he approached, a few bitty feathers sticking to his bare shoulders and chest, the bottoms of his pants legs damp with river water. Gojyo could not ever remember quite that expression on Hakkai's face before – excited and joyful at the same time. And proud, too, as he showed off the three dead ducks. Gojyo was reminded, suddenly, of a cat who'd shared a hay barn with him one winter, when he'd been 14 and too big to be cute and not big enough for anyone to pay him to do much more than general farm chores. The cat had liked him, and used to bring him dead mice and rats. _What a weedy little loser I was, havin' a cat feel sorry for me ... ._

Now Gojyo did his best to look pleased. "Did'ja bring a knife? I can clean 'em. It should be the same as a chicken, right?"

Hakkai rippled his fingers, making the claws flash in the light of the rising sun. "I can take care of that. But when we get back, you can help pluck them."

There was soon a messy little heap of guts on a rock a couple of yards away, and Hakkai had wrapped the ducks up in a clean rag soaked with cool river water. "It's a pity I can't take these livers back to feed you. But they won't keep."

Gojyo really didn't feel like eating any more liver, but what Hakkai had been doing for him so far seemed to be working. "You've got your eyeglass. The sun is up. We could make a fire and cook 'em now."

Hakkai thought about that, then shook his head. "I don't want to make a plume of smoke here. Back at our cavern, the natural crevices over the firepit make the smoke dissipate and spread, so it hardly shows ... _I_ could eat them, just as they are." He glanced over at Gojyo. "Would that disturb you?"

Gojyo stared at him for a second, then laughed. "If I can kiss you after what you had for lunch the day before yesterday ... they're just ducks."

"Very true."

But he turned his back before wolfing them down, for which Gojyo was grateful. Then he went down to the riverside to wash, and returned all clean and tidy and still wild-looking as all get-out. "If you've rested enough, we can go on. There seems to be lots of vegetation along this river. I might be able to find something interesting to go with the duck."

"OK. I'm fine."

They wandered slowly upstream along the banks of the river for a while. Hakkai was restless the whole time, but not like he was worried or bored. He kept noticing things all over the place, and sometimes showing them to Gojyo: minnows and frogs in the river, a hawk over the rocks to the north, a place where someone had made a fire several weeks ago. After the first few times, Gojyo realized that he was only pointing out maybe one out of every four or five things he noticed. He was completely hyper, except that he was also really calm and happy. It was weird but familiar, somehow. _It's kind of like taking a walk with a well-behaved dog ... ._

A little past where the river had dwindled to nothing much more than a generous stream, it curved around a little hill with some small trees on top that Hakkai said were a kind of wild plum. The fruit was puny, hardly bigger than cherries, but some of them were ripe. They were still really sour, but Hakkai thought they'd be good cooked, to make sauce for the ducks, so they picked a bunch of them. The sun was pretty high up by then, and Hakkai unpacked lunch – rice balls and the last of the goat. Gojyo was tired of walking, and after eating, he felt sleepy, and stretched out in the shade of one of the trees. Hakkai sat down next to him and played with the ends of his hair.

"You could take a nap," he said, softly.

Gojyo was half asleep already, even though the grass was long and tickly. "Yeah ... ."

But something was bothering him. After a moment, he realized that he could hear something drumming, through the ground. "Hakkai ... ."

His friend was already rolling up into a crouch, looking across the water and back downstream: "Hoofbeats." He threw himself flat on his belly, so that the long grass would hide him. Gojyo rolled over next to him and looked in the same direction.

Horses ... no, donkeys or something. They were sand-colored and had long ears, scruffy short manes, and dark stripes down the centerlines of their backs. There were maybe 20 of them. They came trotting up to the stream, on the other side, and had a drink, then started eating the grass and stuff. Gojyo suddenly realized that Hakkai was damn near vibrating with interest.

"Wild asses. Onagers. The wind is from them to us," he said, very quietly. Gojyo stared at him: "Heh ... ?"

Hakkai got up on hands and knees, then suddenly exploded from cover. Gojyo got up on his own knees and made a grab for him – far too late. Hakkai raced down the little slope, leaped over the stream, and was damn near on top of the nearest onager.

_Shit, shit, **shit**, what the **fuck** is he doing!? We can't carry one of those damn things, even we **wanted** to eat it ... !_

He'd been right to think of a dog. Hakkai slapped the creature on its rump, nimbly dodging its rearward kick, then went after another one. He was _playing_ with the damn things. One of the bigger ones seemed to be the boss donkey – it noticed right away that something was going on and started rounding up the others and herding them away from Hakkai. Hakkai managed to tag three more of them before they were all back behind the leader. Hakkai stopped, his chest heaving and an idiotic grin on his face. Then the boss onager charged at him.

Hakkai stood his ground, went into a half-crouch, and snarled at it. Except that it was more than a snarl: he projected such a sense of menace that Gojyo threw himself flat again before he could think about it, instinctively hiding in the long grass. The onager pulled up at the last minute, rearing up on its hind legs, then did a half-turn and raced back the way it had come, calling out to the rest of the herd in a dreadful, hoarse voice. They all started running away from Hakkai. Once they were a hundred feet or so off, the leader turned back to stare at the menace. Hakkai, who had started laughing when they all ran, stopped, and Gojyo realized he was about to run at them again. He stood up and shouted. "Hakkai!"

Hakkai's head went up instantly, then turned to look at Gojyo. Gojyo waved at him to come back. Hakkai took another look at the herd leader, who was still glaring at him and shifting his feet indecisively, then reluctantly came loping back toward his friend. Behind him, the onager stallion turned and followed his herd out of sight among the rocks on the far slope. Gojyo felt limp with relief. He took another look around to make sure nothing else interesting was about to happen, then collapsed to sit in the grass again.

Hakkai arrived and hunkered down next to him, frowning, He reached out and gently touched the side of Gojyo's neck, feeling the pulse. "You're upset."

"Damn right I'm upset! Those things might not eat meat but they're still fucking dangerous! I saw a guy get killed by a crazy horse once. What the hell were you – . Shit. I _know_ what you were doing. Fuck if you ever look that happy when _I_ play with you ... ."

Hakkai had been looking angry and mutinous, like a kid who's been told to stop throwing rocks at a cat, but Gojyo's last accusation made him laugh. "Not true. I'm sure I've looked at least that happy in bed with you, but you were probably too busy to notice." He settled down next to Gojyo and put an arm around his shoulders. Goyo scowled and stared down at the ground. "I gotta have a cigarette."

Hakkai sighed, and withdrew his arm, only to rest one hand on Gojyo's knee. "I suppose you must. Be careful of the grass – it's pretty dry."

Gojyo's hands only shook a little as he lit up. After a few puffs, he rested his free hand on top of Hakkai's. "Damn. I dunno what I expected when you said you were going hunting, but it's weird as hell watching you do this crazy shit. Not to mention what a pussy I feel like, sittin' on my ass while you do it."

"You could certainly catch ducks that way, if you were 100 percent. Gojyo, really, when you're healthy, you're as fast and agile as I am now. I have more endurance and I'm stronger, and of course you have no claws. But I'm sure you could do just about anything I've done today."

"Huh. I've _done_ it – well, it was chickens, not ducks. I guess wild ducks're probably faster."

"Why were you catching chickens?"

"I was 13, I had no money, and I was hungry."

Hakkai reached up and ran a strand of Gojyo's hair through his fingers. "You did what you had to do. That's all I'm doing now."

"Yeah? You had to do what you just did with those damn big donkeys?"

Hakkai stopped and just looked at him for a moment, his mouth half open. Then he flexed his claws and laughed uneasily. "I ... oh. Gojyo, I didn't even think. I suppose that's how a cat must feel, when you trail a string in front of it."

Gojyo crushed his cigarette out carefully, then turned to grab Hakkai's bare shoulders and look him straight in the eyes. "Well, kittycat, _knock it off._ I don't mind tellin' you, you scared the piss outta me! You're just fucking lucky the boss donkey had 'em so organized – if they'd just got scared and run all over the place, they could've knocked you flat and tromped you to death even though they were terrified of you!"

Hakkai was very still for a moment. Then he laid his hands on Gojyo's thighs, claws prickling slightly right through the fabric, and kissed him hard. After a moment, Gojyo let his mouth soften and slid one hand up into Hakkai's hair, thicker and longer than it had been. _You sexy bastard. What the hell would I do if you got yourself killed ... ?_

When they broke off to breathe, Hakkai bent to rest his head on Gojyo's shoulder. "No more running after large animals for fun. No more playing tag with wild donkeys. I promise. I think I'd prefer to chase you around, anyway."

Gojyo knotted his fingers in Hakkai's hair and pulled his head up so he could look at him. "Heh. You'd rather play with **my** wild ass than chase wild asses?"

Hakkai smiled. "Exactly."

"Don't tell me you hadn't already though of that joke before I even opened my mouth, Mr. Wiseguy."

"Of course I had, but sometimes it's more fun to let you say the punch lines."

They grinned at each other, and when Hakkai put his arm around Gojyo's shoulders again, Gojyo relaxed against him. Then he yawned, because his eyelids suddenly felt as heavy as lead. Hakkai kissed his temple.

"You should take that nap now. I'll wake you in a couple of hours – then we'll head back."

Gojyo nodded and lay down again. Hakkai pulled his discarded shirt out of the pack and tucked it under Gojyo's head so that the grass wasn't so annoying. Gojyo fell asleep with the wind blowing across his face and Hakkai's claws stroking gently through his hair.

  
  
  
  
**IX.**      |   
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By the end of dinner, the loudest sound in the place was the noise of Hakkai's very sharp teeth breaking open the duck bones for the marrow.

It should have been as cheerful a meal as they'd had last night. Sure, Gojyo had been dragging big time when they finally reached their own little valley, but Hakkai had still been in good spirits. They'd plucked the ducks, had a quick splash in the stream to get the feathers and the worst of the dust off, and then gone back to the cavern, which was invitingly cool in the warm afternoon. Gojyo had been sent back to bed – bitching because he wasn't sleepy, just leg-weary – and Hakkai had started working on dinner. And that's when things started to go downhill.

And Gojyo still wasn't sure why, or even how. Hakkai had started off the way he usually did with a big cooking project, busy and happy, whistling tunelessly to himself as he made frameworks of split green branches for stretching the split ducks flat, and improvising a chamber of flat rocks fetched in from the stream in which to try hot-smoking the extra one. But by the time he'd settled down to picking the messy bits out of the watercress they'd found on the way back, he was answering questions with one or two words at most. And once they were eating, he'd stopped talking completely. His face was like a mask again.

By the time Hakkai was gathering up the dishes to wipe-wash, Gojyo couldn't stand it any longer. He was sweating with nerves – the warm night had little to do with it.

"Hakkai, gimme those. I can do what you've been doin' with 'em."

A silence, and then finally, "Thank you."

And then he just sat there, staring at Gojyo the whole time he was dealing with the bowls and pots and chopsticks. But it wasn't like he was seeing anything.

After the stuff was as clean as it was going to get, and stacked up, Gojyo came over and knelt down behind Hakkai so he could put his arms around his bare shoulders. Hakkai crossed his arms over Gojyo's, his claws pricking slightly. Gojyo rocked them both, gently, and Hakkai rubbed his cheek over Gojyo's forearm. But then he let go and shrugged Gojyo off. "Please sit over there where I can see you."

Gojyo did. Hakkai looked down at the sandy red rock floor between them for a moment, and then lifted his head to meet Gojyo's eyes with his own. "Today ... I think you saw what a different person I'm becoming. In fact, how different I am already. I was not born this way, of course, but I think that this is the sort of life that a creature like myself is meant to live."

"Hakkai – we have a job we're supposed to be doing."

"Gojyo, you're not _listening._ Who would have thought that I – _I_! – would be out there slaughtering living things with my bare hands and eating bits of them raw, happily. I'm no longer –"

"Yeah, you were havin' some fun out there. And you're good at hunting stuff to eat. But you know what? Sanzo and Goku are waiting for us."

"Gojyo. I'm not going back."

Some part of him had known that this was what was happening. "Hakkai, that's complete bullshit. What are you going to do when the rice runs out? And the lamp oil? And the spices, and salt, and cooking oil? Are you gonna give up cooking, too? Just tear up animals and eat the pieces raw? The hell with that! You love cooking, and reading, and all that kind of stuff!"

"You saw what happened when I saw those onagers, Gojyo! I can't trust myself around livestock, and maybe not around people. And before you ask – I don't want to put the limiters back on. It would be like losing my eye again, only for _all_ my senses!"

"Hakkai –"

"Gojyo, I've always been terrified of myself like this, I've hated the idea of what I was. But now, I've found that in the right environment, it's actually very pleasant, and peaceful. I don't want to go back to what I was before, living in fear that I might at any moment become an uncontrolled monster. This is a suitable place for me."

"Sanzo needs us. And we owe him big time – both of us. And Goku ... Goku said to me "Bring him back.'"

Hakkai closed his eyes as though he were in pain. "I **can't**. You can't imagine what this is like. I'm finally at peace ... I don't need much, really. All of that – reading, cuisine, household niceties – none of it is necessary."

_Damn, this isn't working.That's why he was so quiet before. He was thinking up all the arguments._ He drew a deep, deep breath, because he was knew he was going to need everything he had to stay calm during the next few minutes.

"Hakkai. Tomorrow morning, I am gonna get up, and eat somethin' and take my pack and some water, and walk outta here. I'm going to find the other two. Because if you're not comin' back, they need me even more."

Hakkai stared at him for a minute, as though he couldn't understand what Gojyo had said. Then he surged to his feet, and Gojyo was not at all surprised to find vines – thick ones – flowing across the floor and rapidly winding themselves up around his legs, waist, chest ... . Hakkai's face was twisted into a real demon mask, like a false face from an old play. He was growling. Gojyo let his eyes go unfocused so he couldn't see Hakkai properly and concentrated on keeping his breathing even.

"I told you, Gojyo – I am _never_ going to let you go!"

The vines dragged him to his feet, pulling him close to Hakkai. He tried to brace his feet against the ground, with little success.

"You're _mine._"

Hakkai's voice was an almost unrecognizable snarl. Gojyo felt his pulse ratcheting up. It was hard to keep his voice from wobbling.

"Yeah? So what're you gonna do – break my legs? That's what it's gonna take, Hakkai."

The growling died out and was replaced by harsh breathing. "Gojyo – stop it."

"Or you could hamstring me. That would work even better. More permanent."

Even the tense breathing stopped for a moment, and then at last Hakkai inhaled unevenly: "Gojyo ... !"

"Yeah, you could just keep me here, in this cave, and fuck me whenever you felt like it. You're a helluva lot stronger than I am. Shit, after the first couple of months, I'd probably stop fighting you. I'd be so fucking squirrelly from being stuck here, I'd want it."

Hakkai groaned. The vines stopped wrapping themselves around him and abruptly went limp, leaving Gojyo staggering for a moment. Then they started to withdraw. Gojyo grabbed several of them, winding them around his hand and closing it into a fist. "Nuh uh. Come back. We're still talkin'."

Hakkai was grey under the markings on his face. His mouth was working like he wanted to throw up. "No! I wouldn't do that to you! I said that too, didn't I? That I would never hurt you."

"Yeah, well that ain't what it looked like you were thinkin' a minute ago."

"I ... this is so hard."

His face was shining with sweat. Gojyo sighed. It _was_ hard. He hated that he was making Hakkai look like that. For a moment, he actually missed Sanzo. The priest was so much better at this kind of shit. "No one ever promised us _easy_. And I don't know exactly what deal Sanzo cut you with th' Three Aspects, but I bet _easy_ wasn't part of it."

"But ... why would you want to leave me? You said ... ."

"Fuck, Hakkai! What I _want_ ain't got one thing to do with it! Not one single thing! I _want_ t' be back in our little shack near Chang'an, with you, in our bed. But that ain't gonna happen any time soon, so screw it, there's no point in worryin' about it. We signed on for this mess, and we gotta see it through! And I can't make you do one damn thing, but hell if I'm gonna let those two idiots try to do this on their own."

Silence. Hakkai's head was bowed, his shaggy hair shadowing his face. But the vines around Gojyo's hand were now clinging to him, clutching a little bit from time to time, like a desperate handclasp. Gojyo leaned his cheek against them, gently. _Shit, I could kill for a cigarette,_

"You know ... I'm already kinda used to you like this. I bet Sanzo and Goku'd get used to it pretty quick too."

Hakkai breathed deeply, then shuddered. "Yes ... it would be alright, when we were on the road. But whenever we'd go into a town ... I've already seen people notice my limiters sometimes, and I can tell they're wondering. Now they wouldn't wonder, they'd _know_. They'd all be able to see, they'd _know_ what a cursed, unnatural _monster_ I am ... ."

This time, it was Gojyo's turn to stare in disbelief. After a moment of silence, Hakkai raised his head and looked at him. Then he took a staggering step toward Gojyo, a look of utter horror on his face. The vines around Gojyo's hand went limp again. "Oh! Gojyo ... I didn't mean ... oh, how _could_ I ... ?"

Gojyo stared at him a moment longer, but really, it was almost funny, except it was so damn sad, too. He smiled and deliberately ran the fingers of his free hand through his own tangled red hair, then flipped it and shook it out, like a pretty girl showing off for her boyfriend. "Yeah, sometimes it really sucks. I ain't gonna lie to you about that. But you're a smart guy, Hakkai. If I can deal with it ... ."

Hakkai dropped to his knees in front of him, head bowed, his soft, wild dark hair almost touching Gojyo's toes. "But you're a much better person than I am. So much more patient. I would lose my temper, and ... I really _am_ a monster."

"Shit. Hakkai, stop it. You ain't. You just need t' work on it a little. You're still not used to ... feelin' how you feel."

"But that's what I was trying to tell you, Gojyo – I can't control –"

"Yeah, you told me. I just don't believe you. Sorry."

He reached down and pulled Hakkai up to stand within the circle of his arms. Hakkai's hands drifted up to rest on his waist; he buried his face against Gojyo's neck, and a couple of vines wrapped gently around their shoulders. "I don't want you to go," Hakkai whispered.

Gojyo turned his head and nuzzled the elegantly pointed ear near his face, then ran his tongue gently along it. "If I could, I'd make you come with me. But you're the only one who can do that."

For a couple of minutes, neither of them said anything. They just stood there, gradually melting against each other, sweaty and holding on tight. Hakkai's mouth was wet against Gojyo's neck, and Gojyo could feel the tip of his tongue. Then Hakkai shifted his hips so that their legs were intertwined, and Gojyo's brain suddenly figured out what his cock had already realized: that each of them was hungry to bury all the anger and sadness and uncertainty of the disagreement in the other's body. He knotted his fingers in Hakkai's hair and tugged gently until he got their faces together so they could kiss, mouths open, half biting at each other's lips, Hakkai's fangs scraping until Gojyo could taste his own blood, faintly. Hakkai sucked at the tiny wound and then broke off, abruptly.

"Gojyo, why did you say that you owed Sanzo something, too?"

Gojyo wrapped the fingers of one hand around the side of Hakkai's head, stroking his thumb along the beautiful curve of the cheekbone, near the green-gold eye with its slit pupil open wide in the soft lamplight. "Well ... when he got you off th' hook with the Three Aspects, he gave me my best friend back."

Hakkai's arms and vines tightened around him, and he kissed Gojyo again, tongue stroking the insides of his lips, and then moved to kiss the corner of his mouth, his jaw, his throat. Gojyo smoothed one hand down the damp skin of his back, feeling the hard curves of the lean muscles wrapping around the ribs to bury themselves in the valley over Hakkai's spine, the firm swell of his ass, covered lightly by the threadbare pair of boxers that were the only thing he was wearing at the moment. Hakkai sighed against his throat, breath warm. Gojyo found himself wondering why they were still standing here in the middle of the cavern. "Bed?"

His voice was a husky whisper, but Hakkai could always hear even the smallest sounds he made. He chuckled warmly and leaned his hot mouth for a moment at the juncture of Gojyo's neck and shoulder, sucking hard. Then he shifted his hips, taking a staggering step toward the bed of wild grasses, dragging Gojyo with him. Gojyo laughed too, breathlessly, and took the next step himself. They moved across the uneven floor of red rock in a drunken, erratic, urgent dance, kissing, biting, thrusting against each other as they went. Gojyo felt the warm roughness of the blankets and the tickling of the grass against his bare feet, and rocked both of them off their footing to tumble down onto the pallet. Hakkai twisted hard as they fell, so that he ended up taking most of the impact and Gojyo landed on top of him.

"Oooof ... ! Gojyo, that was stupid ... you could have injured yourself again."

"Hahhhh ... shit, I'm sorry! Are you OK?"

"I'll recover ... really, the beds in this establishment are appalling. I know a soft mattress is bad for the back, but this is taking things a little too far."

"Damn straight – and the pillows are like fuckin' rocks, too."

"Funny that you should mention fucking ... ." Hakkai rolled, reversing their positions. Then he opened his legs across Gojyo's lap and pushed himself upright, kneeling on either side of Gojyo's hips, the palms of his clawed hands on Gojyo's chest, and his ass resting along Gojyo's erection, pressing its length into Gojyo's belly. He smiled down at his friend, all wild black hair, glittering mismatched eyes, wreathing vines, and gleaming fangs. He was just about the hottest thing Gojyo had ever seen. He rocked his hips slowly, rubbing himself along Gojyo's length. "Did you want to fuck me?"

The soft question sent a jolt from Gojyo's brain into his cock, and he had to close his eyes for a minute and remember to breathe. "Gods ... no. No, I want you to do _me_. I wanna feel you all over, inside, out – everywhere, Hakkai ... ."

Silence.

Gojyo opened his eyes and found Hakkai staring down at him, very serious now. Gojyo could see a sheen of sweat on his bare chest. "You're certain that's a good idea?"

"Fuck. I thought we had this all out yesterday." Gojyo reached out between Hakkai's arms and stroked the back of his hand down the bulge in the front of his boxers. Hakkai's eyes rolled up for a second and he shivered. "Yes. I'll do it. But you have to do exactly as I say."

Gojyo grinned. "You got it."

Hakkai slid off on one side. "Roll over. And stay there."

Gojyo complied, settling contentedly onto his stomach with his head pillowed on his folded arms. Hakkai got to his feet and went over to the kitchen rock pile, where he messed around for a couple of minutes and then came back with a small bowl. Kneeling down next to Gojyo's hips, he frowned at the bowl for a moment and then at his claws. "You might have to use this on yourself."

"Huh? Whatzat?"

"Oil."

"Oh." No, he didn't want those claws anywhere _near_ his ass. He thought for a few seconds, and then reached out to trace one of the vines that trailed over Hakkai's bare thigh. "Hey – what about these?"

Hakkai stared at him for a second. "Hmm ... . Well. Maybe."

He set the bowl of oil off to one side and then swung one leg over Gojyo, straddling his ass and bending down to lick hotly at his neck where the hair was parted. He started to work his way down Gojyo's back, licking, sucking, tracing lightly with the tips of his claws. Gojyo was soon writhing with the pleasure and almost-pain, but Hakkai pressed his palm down hard between Gojyo's shoulderblades. "Listen to me. _Stay still_."

"Shit. Why?"

No answer, but Hakkai didn't resume his attentions.

"OK, OK, I get it."

"Good."

Actually, he didn't get it. But it didn't matter – this was Hakkai, and he got a little weird sometimes.

_OK, lately it's **more** than a little._

Hakkai moved backward toward Gojyo's feet, parting his thighs firmly with one knee. He began to massage Gojyo's ass with the palms of his hands, and bent his head to run his tongue beneath the edge of the waistband of Gojyo's boxers. Gojyo breathed deeply, trying to keep still as Hakkai tugged the shorts farther down, exposing the top of his crack, licking there and sliding one hand up the boxer leg to let the tips of his claws skitter lightly across one cheek. But as Hakkai's tongue probed farther, Gojyo couldn't help squirming and trying to push back against the caress. Hakkai stopped again, and Gojyo could hear his harsh breathing. "I warned you," he said at last, grimly.

There was a faint whispery, slithery sound, and then Hakkai and the vines were everywhere.

"Hey! Crap ... what ...?!"

After a moment's futile struggling, Gojyo found himself once more on his face, trussed up thoroughly from shoulder to hip, his arms wrapped across his belly. Hakkai was holding his legs down and open, and suddenly there was a ripping sound and a mixture of hot breath and cooler air against Gojyo's ass and privates. "Holy shit!" _He'd used his teeth ... ?_

Hakkai grabbed the rags of the boxers and pulled them away, tossing them negligently to one side, and began rubbing his face and mouth against Gojyo's ass, kissing, licking down toward his hole. Gojyo gasped and tried to lift his hips to meet that moist, muscular stroke. Hakkai pushed the bedding up under his crotch to help him, then pinned him against the impromptu cushion with one hand firmly on the base of his spine. "Hold still, Gojyo!' he growled.

A little worm of unease wriggled into Gojyo's mind, but it was almost immediately displaced by pure sensation: Hakkai's hair brushing his ass cheeks; his tongue again, hot and powerful and spearing into him; and along with it, something – some _things_ – probing into him, stroking and pushing and opening him up. Gojyo's breath went out of him in a rush. _Vines, it's gotta be ... ._ Yes, and now he could feel the oil around his entrance – Hakkai seemed to be using his tongue as well. _Gotta hand it to Hakkai, never squeamish about sex ... thank fuck!_ It was so good and so weird at the same time. And being tied up like this, just having to take whatever happened ... he squeezed his eyes shut tight to concentrate on it.

"Ahhh, shit ... you're ... that's, that's ... so –"

"Shut _up!_"

Gojyo was shocked. Hakkai was _never_ rude like that. But he didn't have much time to think about it, because _now_, right _there_ – it was what he'd been waiting for, craving: Hakkai's big, beautiful dick pushing into him, slow, steady, _hard_ pushes – not being real careful, but not trying to do it all at once either. Gojyo could take that – was more than happy to take it. In fact, he wanted to push back into it, help Hakkai along, but he was still pinned: Hakkai had one hand still pushing down on his back, and the other gripping his hip. Gojyo breathed deeply, making himself relax – and damn, he wished his arms weren't wrapped across his gut like this: it was hard to take a really deep breath. But now – now – _ there_. Hakkai was all the way in, filling him up ... so good: Gojyo's head felt all woozy.

Hakkai shifted his hands a little – shoulder and hip, now that his weight was pinning Gojyo, He started to move: long, powerful strokes, smacking up against Gojyo's ass each time he sank in, hitting _just_ the right spot right inside when he did it. It was so good, in fact, that it took Gojyo a minute to realize that a couple of things were wrong. First off, Hakkai wasn't giving him anything to fuck against. And second, Hakkai wasn't making a sound except for his breathing. That was weird. He was never as mouthy as Gojyo liked to be during sex, but he usually hummed happily from time to time, moaned a little, and sometimes made admiring remarks about what Gojyo looked like. But now – nothing. Not a sound. But he seemed to be sweating like a pig: hot drops struck Gojyo's back every once in a while.

Gojyo would've been weirded out, but even with nothing to rub against but the big wad of blanket-covered grass, Hakkai's machinelike strokes were having their effect. _Almost ... almost there ... ._ "Hakkai ... gettin' there ... gonna ... ."

And then something _did_ wrap around his cock, right at the base, and Hakkai snarled "No!"

Gojyo felt the tingling wash of Hakkai's _chi_ roll through his crotch, stopping him right at the edge, The breath went out of him, and he felt ill. He'd never imagined that Hakkai would do something like that to him. And then Hakkai started talking, at last, low and fierce, and still pounding into Gojyo as he talked.

"How long have I had, Gojyo? Ten minutes? Fifteen? Tomorrow, you're going to leave me. This is the last chance I'll have to do this. Do you think it's been long enough? I think not ... I could fuck you all night, and it would hardly be long enough, Gojyo ... ."

And then he was silent again, but his hips kept moving, on and on. Every once in a while, he'd mutter "Not long enough. Not nearly ... ." After a while, Gojyo's ass was burning, and his lungs, too, with his panting. His mouth and eyes were dry, and his vision kept trying to grey out. Everything else was just one big ache, and he could barely feel his arms. He lost track of time completely, and finally, he started to black out, a little bit at a time. That was just as well. He didn't want to have to think. If Hakkai was willing to do something like that to him ... .

"Gojyo! Come back, _now!_ Pay attention – I'm not through with you."

His voice sounded thick and unnatural. Gojyo didn't want to come back. He heard himself make a whining noise, and he shook his head.

Hakkai snarled, right in his ear, and sank his teeth deep into Gojyo's shoulder.

It hurt like shit, even though he was only half there. He heard someone cry out – maybe it was him.

Everything stopped.

He felt Hakkai's lips on the wound on his shoulder, and then his tongue. He seemed to be tasting the blood. Something warm and wet splashed near Gojyo's ear. And then Hakkai's voice again, choked and congested-sounding: "And I said I would never hurt you. See how I keep my promises. Oh, Gojyo ... I really _am_ a monster."

The vines around him were loosening, and Hakkai seemed to be sitting up – Gojyo wasn't pinned anymore. The blood rushing into his arms hurt like shit, but at least his arms seemed to belong to him again. He managed to twist around so that he could look at Hakkai's face. It was a distorted mask again, but a different one: tears running down and his nose running, too. And he had one hand up, the tips of claws cutting into his forehead, like he was about to rip his own face off. Gojyo twisted farther and grabbed, managing to snag Hakkai's hand by the wrist. "You're just fuckin' feelin' sorry for yourself, Hakkai."

There was a blank silence. Hakkai was staring at him, mouth open, his face relaxing into something more like himself. Then he shut his mouth with a snap Gojyo could hear and sniffed, wiping his cheek with the palm of his other hand. "Well, you're correct, of course. On both counts. I'm fucking you, and I'm feeling very sorry for myself. Oh, Gojyo ... ."

He sighed, and Gojyo felt him starting to pull out, carefully. He tugged sharply on Hakkai's wrist. "Wait. Where do you think you're goin'?"

Hakkai looked totally confused. "I've hurt you – I need to heal you up. It was especially reprehensible of me because you have miles to go tomorrow."

"Yeah – well. I thought that's why you were doin' it. So I couldn't."

"... oh. Maybe ... maybe I was. How could I have done that –"

"Shut _up_, Hakkai. Get back here. We're not finished. Neither of us got where he wanted to go."

"But, _Gojyo_ – !"

"Yeah, you need to fix me up. Just fucking _do_ it. An' then make us both happy, damn it."

Hakkai blinked. He was still crying. It was horrible seeing someone that tough-looking cry. Finally he grabbed one of the raggy pieces of Gojyo's boxers and wiped his face and blew his nose. And then passed his hands gently over Gojyo, closing the shoulder wound, easing the aches, and making his ass feel like something real again. Finally, he sat back on his heels, staring at Gojyo and shaking his head. But Gojyo had had enough. He rolled over onto his back and grabbed Hakkai, pulling him over to rest his head on Gojyo's chest.

"Hakkai, listen. Look, we could both be dead any minute of any day. Right? Who knows what could happen? The gods're always playin' dice with us. There could be an earthquake, and this whole fuckin' mountain could fall on us, squash us flat like bugs right here in this damn hole. So we gotta make some happiness while we can, always, whenever we can. So I said I'm leavin' tomorrow and you don't know what you're gonna do yet. Who the hell cares right now? Let's make both of us happy. Whatever happens tomorrow, we're still here – together – tonight."

He ran his hands down Hakkai's back as he nuzzled into his friend's cheek, seeking and finding his mouth, claiming a kiss that tasted of Hakkai and salt. Hakkai's lips were soft, willing, waking again slowly as Gojyo nipped gently and stroked the tip of his tongue just inside Hakkai's mouth. Hakkai took a long, shaky breath and then raised his head from Gojyo's chest and bent over him, kissing harder, slipping his tongue into Gojyo's mouth, weaving the fingers of one clawed hand into his tangled, sweat-damp hair. He pulled his fingers gently through the knotted strands to Gojyo's shoulder, throwing one leg over him and then rolling them together to reverse their positions, Gojyo now on top. Gojyo arched his back with pleasure as Hakkai traced the tips of his claws down Gojyo's back to his ass. Hakkai pulled at him and Gojyo followed his cues, arranging himself with his groin against Hakkai's, his legs opened across his lap, kneeling with his knees snugged into Hakkai's waist.

Tiny vine tendrils crept tentatively across Gojyo's legs. Hakkai was watching his face carefully. Gojyo stroked the soft leaves and stems with his fingertips and and bent to nuzzle against Hakkai's throat, smiling. Hakkai sighed, a long, soft sigh that ended in a contented murmur. Gojyo felt the vines twining around his legs and climbing onto his ass, butterfly-soft with their little rootlets, and then one tip probing gently at his pucker. "Still slick, even after all that," Hakkai whispered. Gojyo bit gently at his neck. "You think too much, baby."

"Yes," murmured Hakkai. "I do." He cupped Gojyo's ass with both hands, spreading him gently, pressing his own erection up into the warm space between his friend's legs. Gojyo leaned one palm on Hakkai's chest and reached down with the other hand to position the head of the thick shaft against his own asshole. "Gojyo, wait ... a little more oil, I think."

"Nag, nag, nag ... ."

He dabbled his fingertips in the bowl of oil and painted it down the sides of Hakkai's cock. Hakkai shivered and thrust up with his hips. "Guess you kinda roughed yourself up too," muttered Gojyo, kneeling up a little higher and working over Hakkai gently with both hands, skating his oily fingers carefully over the head and around the crown. Hakkai was hard as stone and burning hot. Gojyo positioned himself again, willing his ass to relax, and sank down slowly onto Hakkai's dick.

Hakkai moaned and clutched at Gojyo, one hand on his ass, the other on his thigh. Gojyo chuckled. "Yeah, that's right, watch me, gorgeous. I like an audience." He smoothed his oily palms down his own chest, rubbing over his own nipples to make them stand out, then dropped one hand to stroke his own hard shaft and the other to smooth circles around one of Hakkai's nipples with his slick thumb. All the while he was rocking slowly, sinuously, pushing Hakkai deeper and deeper into his own heat. "Mmmm, that's what I've been thinking about, right there – fuck, yeah ... ."

When Gojyo had taken the whole thing, when he could feel Hakkai's pubes cushioning his balls, he had to stop a minute and close his own eyes. He felt Hakkai stroking gently down his thighs with the tips of his claws, then back up. "Gojyo," he said, softly, his voice catching a little. "May I try something? I think you'll like it." He was warmly flushed behind his tawny-ivory skin: so pretty, and his eyes were hot and gentle at the same time. "Yeah," Gojyo said, softly; "Go ahead."

Hakkai tugged at the hand Gojyo was using to stroke himself until he let go. Then a slender tendril unwound itself from Hakkai's wrist and extended to wrap gently and neatly around Gojyo's cock, from root to tip, completely covering it. It was squeezing him almost perfectly snugly, like a hand but better – more even, as warm as a hand, and with an even softer surface against his skin.

"Hey, wow –"

"Mmmm ... I'm not finished." Hakkai's eyes were half closed, as if he were concentrating. A minute passed, and then Gojyo felt the most amazing sensation, as the cozy, fleshy sheath that encased him _rippled_, squeezing firmly from root to tip.

"Ahhh ... fuck! Holy ... can you do that again?"

Hakkai laughed softly, a breathy little sound. "Yes, and again and again. But if you start moving, I imagine I'll become too distracted to keep it going ... here, put your hand over it as well. There ... oh, Gojyo, you look so lovely like this."

_Fuck._ Only Hakkai could make him blush. Gojyo did as ordered, and felt Hakkai do his new trick again – and again, as he'd promised. Gojyo couldn't do anything but close his eyes and breathe, resting his free hand lightly on Hakkai's chest, trying not to dig his fingers in as they tried to curl. "Whoa ... gods, slow down ... ."

Hakkai relaxed the little vine a bit. Gojyo sighed and opened his eyes. "My turn now."

He started rocking, smoothly and evenly, working himself on Hakkai's thick shaft, feeling the sweet pressure and almost-burn inside, the near-perfect stroke outside. As Hakkai had predicted, the delicious ripple effect faded out as he started to lose himself in what Gojyo was doing, but it hardly mattered – it still felt like the world's most perfect hand on Gojyo's dick. And it was all just too, too good. "Hakkai ... "

Hakkai's eyes were almost shut but he looked up at that, smiling and breathing hard. "You can ... anytime, Gojyo ... ." He pumped his hips _up_ to meet Goyo's incoming ass, and managed to work his little trick again, and Gojyo simply lost it, spattering out from within the warm coils that embraced and caressed him. He tried to keep moving through his climax for Hakkai's sake, but Hakkai grabbed his hips hard, holding him still, and bucked up into him three, four, five times before he tensed and gave a shivery moan. Gojyo let himself go limp, sliding his hands under Hakkai's shoulders to hold him, letting his ear rest on Hakkai's chest to hear his thudding heart, feeling himself twitch within Hakkai's grasp, feeling Hakkai twitch within him.

"Damn, that was hot."

"Mmm-hmm ... ." Hakkai was stroking the tips of his claws through Gojyo's sweat-sticky hair. Gojyo blew at a strand that had fallen over his own nose and was tickling. It was still dusty from their hike, too. Yuck.

"Shit, Hakkai, I dunno how you can stand to touch it right now."

"I love your hair. In fact, I'm quite fond of all your parts, even when they're dirty."

Hakkai said some pretty crazy things sometimes. "Yeah, well, my dirty parts really need a shower right now. I stink."

"I wish I had a hot shower to give you, but ... well, we're just lucky that it's still quite warm out."

"Crap. We're gonna go out ... damn. Right. And it's not even like we have bathrobes or somethin' to wear on the way."

"It's not as though anyone is likely to be out there, Gojyo."

"You mean, anyone human."

"Well, I don't imagine any animals or _youkai_ will want to attack _two_ such fearsome predators, either."

"Heh. Guess not."

A few minutes later, Gojyo was carefully following in Hakkai's footsteps, barefoot, as they walked over the rocks and sand and dead leaves to the stream. He had the soap and towels, and Hakkai had their clean boxers – including what was now Gojyo's one and only pair – and some rags.

He felt sticky and grubby and very, very naked. But Hakkai was right – it really _was_ warm enough out, still, to do this. The slim crescent of the moon was setting behind the red rocks, which were faded by the night to a dark, nondescript gray, but his _hanyou_ eyes adjusted to the starlight in the first few seconds. Hakkai seemed to be having no trouble at all avoiding sharp rocks and thorns, and following him, Gojyo began to feel happily naughty, like a little kid going skinny-dipping on the sly. Which was kind of silly, because bathing outdoors had been a fairly regular part of their lives during the past year.

_Not usually at night, though._

When they got to the little pool, Hakkai set down their shorts and plunged right in. Gojyo tossed him the soap and then perched himself on the rock slab above the pool. He pulled out his lighter and cigarettes from where he'd stashed them between the towels and settled down for a well-deserved smoke.

He felt, well, _thinky_. What had just happened was really important – he wasn't so fucking stupid that he couldn't see that. Things had almost got totally broken – smashed to little, sharp bits – between him and Hakkai. And then they'd made it better again. Even if nothing had really been decided, that mattered. And he felt so calm about tomorrow that it was totally weird. But there was nothing he could do about it: either it was their last night together, or it wasn't, and there was shit-all he could do about it. Right now – just _was_. He felt frustrated for a moment that he couldn't put what he was thinking into words right, even for himself.

_And watching him **really** isn't helping, either._

Hakkai's slightly darker skin was still pale enough to stand out against the water, which looked black in the starlight from the deep color of the rock beneath. The vine markings stood out clearly, and Gojyo could see the gleam of the water pouring off as Hakkai splashed himself, rinsing off the suds. His wet hair clung in black strands to his pretty, pretty face, and the faint light gleamed off his wiry muscles and the ridges of bone – collarbones, pecs, ribs, abs, all so beautiful that it made Gojyo's mouth water. He wanted to run his hands over that flashily marked skin, feel the structure beneath, the heat of Hakkai's body under the coolness of the water, kiss and stroke the ridges and whorls of the ghastly scar on his belly, and explore what was currently hidden just under the surface of the pool. His dick was already showing signs that it thought this was a wonderful plan.

_Merciful Goddess, you'd wouldn't think I'd just had my ass pounded into hamburger **twice** ...!_

Hakkai was coming toward him now, smiling. Gojyo stubbed out the cigarette and hugged his knees, feeling any resistance he had left blowing away like smoke on the night breeze. Hakkai reached up to grab his ankle and tug, but gently. "Come in, Gojyo – the water's lovely. I'll scrub your back for you."

Gojyo swallowed and slid off the rock into the water. It was fucking cold at first, and then it was really kind of nice. He dunked himself all the way, holding his nose, and came up spluttering a little. "Turn around," mumured Hakkai. "I'll wash your hair, too."

He folded his arms up against the rock and leaned his forehead against them as Hakkai rubbed soap into his hair, looking down at his own body, skin all gleaming wet and half-hidden by the water. If he really popped a boner, the head would poke right out above the surface. He grinned to himself, and then grunted as Hakkai began scrubbing his head in earnest. _He must be using his knuckles ... ._ "Ow!"

"Well, as you pointed out, your hair is filthy ... there. Lie back –" All business, Hakkai eased him down into the water and cradled him there while Gojyo ran his fingers through the tangles until it felt like the soap was gone. "That should do. Now your back ... ."

Gojyo resumed his previous stance, but now there was so much water running into his eyes that he couldn't really keep them open. He closed them, smelling the water and their wet hair and the soap, hearing the water splashing and behind it, the sound of the bugs chirping, feeling the rock beneath his arms, and Hakkai's palms and the soapy rag working over his shoulders and back, down his ribs and spine, to his ass ... . Now he really _was_ getting hard. He couldn't stop himself from humming and pushing back a little as Hakkai washed carefully between his cheeks, and Hakkai laughed, very softy, and turned Gojyo to face him.

The rag rubbed carefully over his throat, his chest, his belly, his hips ... he thrust blindly toward it, but Hakkai easily evaded him. "You're such a fucking tease, Hakkai –"

"Yes, of course. Are you in a hurry for some reason, Gojyo?"

He blinked enough of the water out of his eyes to see Hakkai's smug smile. "You sly bastard." He managed to grab Hakkai's wrist and pull it down toward his groin. Hakkai broke his grip easily and backed off to apply some more soap to the rag before tucking the bar into a niche in the rocks. "No need to be rough, Gojyo. I was just getting there ... ."

Gojyo grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him, hungry all over again. Hakkai opened his lips and sucked at Gojyo's tongue, sliding one arm around his waist, then walked him over to the other end of the pool without ever breaking the kiss.

The water was not as deep here – only up to the middle of their thighs. Hakkai started to rub the soapy rag down Gojyo's belly again, this time continuing with his pubes, then slipping around the root of his cock and over his balls and then up along the shaft. Gojyo groaned into Hakkai's mouth and thrust into the sudsy cloth. He could feel Hakkai's hardness against his hip, and he reached down to take him in hand. Hakkai pulled his head back sharply and gasped so hard that it was almost a sob. Gojyo pressed his face into Hakkai's neck, and moved his hips so their stroking hands bumped knuckles. "Both of 'em, together," he whispered: "Come on ... ."

Hakkai let go of Gojyo's cock. "This close – my claws ... ." _Oh yeah._ So Gojyo wrapped his hand around both of them first, all wet and soapy, and then Hakkai very carefully covered Gojyo's hand with his, and adjusted the angle of their bodies just so. And then Gojyo started stroking them both, slow, nice and slow – so good. He sucked Hakkai's neck, tasting him, and thought he could probably do this for a really long time.

Hakkai had his head tilted back against the rocks, his face toward the dark sky, sighing and whimpering softly in time with Gojyo's strokes. At first, when he called Gojyo's name, Gojyo thought it was just more sexy sound effects, but then something about the tone made him look up. And up, to where Hakkai was looking.

The sky was a deep, silky black now that the moon had set, spiked with brilliant white stars – and suddenly, a bright silver streak showed. And as Gojyo watched, there was another. And another.

"Ahhh – shooting stars," whispered Hakkai. "Meteorites –"

"Awesome." He leaned his head against Hakkai's shoulder, still working them both, and watched the silent, sparkling trails form and fade. Some of them looked more gold than silver, and one was almost blue. He hadn't known they came in different colors.

"Sometimes ... the ancients thought – that shooting stars were omens of disaster. Ohhh ... that's so nice."

"Heh. Did they really?"

"Hmmm ... ahh, hah – yes, it meant the gods were angry."

"Shit, why does it have t' mean somethin' bad?" He had to close his eyes for just a moment. _Fuck ... ._   "I mean – maybe it _is_ the gods ... but – they're applauding. Or lightin' sparklers ... mmm ... somethin' good – like that."

Hakkai sighed, but it wasn't a sad sound. He turned to kiss Gojyo's wet hair. "I think you could be right, Gojyo. What would I do ... without you to contradict me?"

When he came, a few moments later, his face was was buried against Gojyo's shoulder. Gojyo came with his eyes on the skies, feeling Hakkai warm against him, and watching the silent sparks burst into joyous existence and streak across the sky to fade and die.

 

  
  
  
  
**X.**      |   
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When Gojyo woke the next morning, he knew Hakkai wasn't there. Of course it was easy to tell that he wasn't in bed, but Gojyo knew he wasn't in the cave at all.

He kept his eyes closed for a moment, unwilling to let go of the cozy, contented night, or leave the blankets that smelled like Hakkai, and sex. He'd slept like a log, which was hardly a surprise, but he remembered curling up, holding Hakkai, before he nodded off. _So good._

There was no point in putting it off any longer. And he could smell rice and tea – Hakkai had made him breakfast, at least. He rolled over and sat up.

OK. Not so bad. Hakkai's stuff all seemed to be there. So maybe he was just out having a crap or something.

Or maybe he just didn't want to be there when Gojyo left.

By the light that was coming into the dim space, he could see that it was at least midmorning. He got up, put on the rest of his clothes, and sat down near the little rock pile kitchen to eat. He wasn't hungry, which was weird but not exactly a shocker, either, when he thought about it. But he had to eat, and eat well – he'd need his strength, and he knew he still wasn't back to himself all the way.

Hakkai had left him some shredded duck meat to put on the rice. He chewed, swallowed, shoveled in some more – made himself go on doing it until most of the food in his bowl was gone. He gulped down the cooling tea. Hakkai had left him a couple of filled water bottles too, and his backpack was next to them. Slowly, he started to separate out his stuff from the pile of oddments Hakkai had arranged neatly on the rock that he'd been using as a dresser.

He heard Hakkai's voice outside. He was talking to someone. Someone he liked – Gojyo could tell from the tone.

Gojyo was on his feet and halfway to the entrance when something came flapping through it and nearly collided with him. He ducked, swearing. His shakujo was in his hands before he realized that it was Jeep.

The weapon clattered to the floor and disappeared. "Holy shit! Where'd _you_ come from?"

The little dragon was fluttering around the cave, tremendously excited, chittering and crooning. He finally landed near Gojyo's feet. Gojyo knelt down and stroked one hand along the downy length of Jeep's back, then wiped his nose with the back of his hand. His eyes felt damp.

Jeep was peering at him. Suddenly he made a funny little cooing noise and stretched out his neck to lick Gojyo's cheek. Then he looked back toward the entrance, where Hakkai was leaning against the wall with his arms folded.

"Yes, you're right, Hakuryu – he's been hurt."

"Heh ... now I know I must look like shit, if even the lizard's feelin' sorry for me."

Hakkai came over and hunkered down next to them, reaching out to thread his clawed fingers into Gojyo's tangled hair. "No, you don't. You look very handsome, as usual – if a bit tousled right now – but you're still not quite yourself. Hakuryu is always very observant."

The dragon was wriggling himself into the space between them and rubbing his head against Hakkai's folded legs. "Hakkai – do you think the others are OK?"

"Yes. He doesn't seem at all upset. Of course he was very pleased and excited to see me. And then he started looking around for you, once he'd greeted me."

"Whoa – so you missed me, huh?" Gojyo rubbed the critter's head. "Hey, Jeep – are Sanzo and Goku OK?" He felt kind of stupid asking a bitty dragon questions, but who else was there to ask?

Jeep peered into his face and then crooned happily. He certainly didn't _sound_ worried.

Hakkai got up and went over to the remains of Gojyo's breakfast. "Are you finished with this?"

"Huh? Oh – yeah, he can have it." Jeep launched himself to his master's side and started licking out Gojyo's bowl and the rice pot. Hakkai stood and watched him, but not like he was seeing anything. "Hakkai?"

Hakkai blinked, and then turned slowly toward him. "Gojyo. Could you please fold and roll our blankets while I pack up the food? Be sure to shake out all the grass. And I think I'll take the medium-sized pot: it's a rather good one, and I can always use another of that size."

Gojyo found that he'd stopped breathing while Hakkai was talking. He gulped air and surged to his feet. "Hakkai! You're goin' with ... ?"

Hakkai just looked at him, expressionless, and then sighed. "Gojyo, please get moving. The day will be half over before we leave, at this rate."

Dazed, Gojyo drifted over to the bedding and started shaking it out. Hakkai was making a completely normal, almost cheerful clatter with the pots and dishes, and Jeep was punctuating it from time to time with his usual _kyuu_ noises. It was all so terribly ordinary that Gojyo stopped being terrified to break the spell.

"Hakkai – why'd you change your mind?"

Hakkai looked up blankly. "Hmmm? Oh –" His eyes turned to Jeep for a moment, then back to Gojyo, and he smiled faintly. "Well, you see ... last night, and again this morning, the omens were very good."

An hour later, they were picking their way over their stream, following Jeep. Hakkai had the big pack with the heavy stuff, like the water bottles and the pot, and Gojyo had his own smaller one. He felt like a total wimp, but the memory of how weak he'd been just a couple of days ago kept him from protesting too much. As they came up out of their little valley on the far side, Hakkai stopped and looked back. Gojyo turned too, watching as Hakkai gazed at the pool, the red rock slabs above it and behind it, the entrance of the cave – you had to know where to look for it – and the faint trail that they'd followed yesterday morning. Finally he sighed and turned away. Gojyo reached out to squeeze his shoulder, and they went on.

They'd been a little worried about whether they'd be able to follow Jeep over the broken, complicated landscape, but in fact it was easy: the little dragon would flutter ahead until he was almost out of sight, then perch on top of one of the taller rock formations until they caught up. Well into the second hour – when Hakkai was trying to insist that they stop to let Gojyo rest, and Gojyo was wondering how much longer he could keep protesting before Hakkai wore him down – they came out from between two formations so large that they almost passed as hills all on their own, and found the road almost at their feet, although they were some 30 feet above it. It was kind of like being on the edge of a cliff. Gojyo thought he might remember passing it in Jeep on the way from the battle site. "Damn! We coulda fell right down that."

"Yes ... ." Hakkai was peering down at the road and looking fidgety. Finally, he stepped back into the shadowy space between the rocks.

"Hey – Hakkai ... ?"

Gojyo found him with his pack on the ground, fumbling with one of the inside pockets. He finally came up with something very small. "Gojyo ... can you help me with these?"

_His limiters._

Hakkai shut his eyes tight as Gojyo took the metal clips from him. Gojyo touched his left ear gently, then couldn't help stroking along the beautiful sweep of it toward the tip. Hakkai shivered and leaned his forehead against Gojyo's shoulder.

They were harder to get on than Gojyo would have imagined, although that only made sense – Hakkai had never lost them by accident, no matter what he was doing. Gojyo really had to jam them on and then wiggle them to get them over the edge of the ear. Hakkai kept shuddering from time to time, too. "Am I hurtin' you?"

"No ... well. A bit. But –"

The first one was finally on properly. Hakkai's ear started to change shape under Gojyo's fingers, and the vine markings started to fade. Hakkai made an unhappy little sound, and Gojyo stopped, turning his head to kiss Hakkai's temple. Hakkai licked his lips.

"Gojyo. We ... we need to keep going. Please continue."

So he did that.

It was so weird to see Hakkai now. It was _Hakkai_, but he looked smaller, somehow. He was so pale – how could Gojyo have forgotten that?

Jeep chittered anxiously from his perch on the rocks, then flew down to sit on Hakkai's shoulder and nuzzle his ear. Hakkai pulled out a water bottle and took a long, long swig before handing it to Gojyo. Then he pulled out the little coil of rope and his shoes and put everything else back.

The rope was for lowering the backpacks down. Hakkai was always so smart – they could never have got down that steep surface carrying them. As it was, there were a few anxious moments with Hakkai already on the ground by the road and Gojyo barely hanging on to the rock wall, wondering whether he'd kill them both if he fell. Jeep seemed as relieved as they were once they were both on the ground and turned into his other form without being prompted.

After that, everything was simple. Jeep rolled along, clearly knowing his way, for a ridiculously short amount of time before turning off into his own faint wheel-ruts where Gojyo, Goku, and Sanzo had looked for a stream almost five days ago. Jeep was a very good sport – he rolled on for at least 50 yards past where he'd stopped last time, until Hakkai ordered him to stop before he hurt his tires.

They got out, and Jeep transformed again, fluttering off toward the trees where the old farmhouse was.

"It's right down there," said Gojyo, quietly.

"We'd better go, I guess ... he'll let them know we're coming."

"They can't read him like you can. All they'll know is that he's excited about somethin'."

Hakkai gave him one of his fake smiles. From the lips up, he looked sad and worried. Gojyo wanted to squeeze him, kiss him, or something – but he couldn't, somehow.

_Shit, we're really **back**, aren't we? I wouldn't have thought there'd be anything I'd miss about that place. But there was no one there to care what the hell we did with each other._

Silently, they hoisted their packs and went on, down into the little dale, to the ruined house under the scrawny trees.

Hakuryu came flapping up to greet them again, landing on Hakkai's shoulder and burying his face in Hakkai's hair. Goku was standing in the doorway. At first he blinked like he couldn't believe what he was seeing, and then he turned to shout back into the house: "Sanzo! It's _them_! They're _back!_" And then the kid was running up the slope to them.

He gave Hakkai a big hug, and then turned to Gojyo and playfully punched him in the shoulder – the shoulder that Guantan had plugged. Gojyo winced back automatically, even though it didn't really hurt, and then felt like a complete idiot.

"Goku! You'll have to be careful with Gojyo for a couple of days. He was badly injured and lost a lot of blood."

Goku's eye went wide and worried. "Awww, Gojyo! Didn't mean to hurt you!"

Gojyo did his best to grin reassuringly and cuffed the kid's head before slinging one arm around his shoulders. "Hey, it didn't hurt just now – I'm just rememberin' when it did ... how's Sanzo?"

"His arm still hurts, but it looks a little better. An' he's worried and really crabby, an' he's not sleeping hardly at all, an' almost out of cigarettes. I tried to tell him he was smokin' too much but that just made him even more mad. Man, I'm so glad you guys are back!"

"Yeah, now he has two more of us to yell at – right, monkey?"

They stepped into the house. Sanzo was sitting on his bedroll in a cloud of cigarette smoke, his reading glasses sliding off his nose, looking completely pissy but somehow subdued at the same time. He was clutching some extremely worn-out looking newspapers. The late afternoon light coming through the open window picked out the deep shadows under his eyes and the sharp vertical lines between his eyebrows. The top of his robe was pushed down, and the bandage on his upper arm was clearly visible. Hakkai hurried forward. "Let me look at that, Sanzo."

Sanzo slapped the papers down and thrust out his good hand, palm first, to halt Hakkai. "Not so fast. Sit down right there, both of you. I want to know where the hell you've been for four days."

"Sanzo, your arm –"

"It's not infected, it'll keep for a couple of hours. Sit down and talk. Now."

Hakkai dropped his pack and knelt down in front of Sanzo like a good little acolyte. Gojyo shrugged and let himself fold up cross-legged next to him. Sanzo pulled off the reading glasses and looked at Gojyo sharply. "What the fuck happened to _you_?"

Gojyo's mouth dropped open for a second. "Huh?"

Goku hunkered down to one side. "Sanzo, how did you know he was all messed up?"

"His _chi_'s not right – not quite enough of it, not distributed the same way. What happened, kappa?"

"Shit, if I have _chi_, why can't I do cool stuff like Hakkai?"

"Everybody has some _chi_, moron. And being half _youkai_, you have plenty. You just don't have the talent or brains to do much with it. And you haven't answered my question."

"Um, bounty hunters. Their boss said they were the leading 'demon hunters' in these parts. He had a big pistol – twice the size of yours, Sanzo-sama – an' he drilled me twice. I must've lost a couple buckets of blood."

"What did you do to provoke them?"

"Provoke _them_, hell! I was asleep when they surrounded me. When I woke up and the boss dude saw my eyes, that was it. He told his guys to take me, and I killed a couple of 'em, no sweat. That's when he shot me."

"That's not all, Sanzo." Hakkai's voice was cold and angry.

"I'm not finished with this one yet, Hakkai. So – you snuck off in the middle of the night, abandoning your mission and us, to bring back your buddy. You fell asleep because you'd stayed up all night. And you were shot and captured because you were stupid enough to run off on your own like that. Anything else?"

"Fuck, Sanzo! _You_ needed him, you needed him bad, for your arm! I didn't go after him just 'cause he was my buddy! We can't do this without him! And I didn't take Goku 'cause I didn't want to leave you alone!"

"Tch. Right."

Gojyo was about to yell at him again, but Sanzo had stubbed out his cigarette and was looking morosely at the half-empty packet near his knee. His hands were trembling. Gojyo bit his tongue.

"Your turn now, Hakkai. What happened with you?"

Hakuryu had his head tucked under Hakkai's elbow, like he was hiding. Hakkai had his eyes closed and was doing some breathing. Sanzo was looking at him much more intently than he'd looked at Gojyo. Finally, Hakkai opened his eyes and started talking in a fast, monotonous drone.

"I could not let those _youkai_ who fled the battle escape and report to Kougaiji, so I pursued them. As I caught up with them, something happened – quite possibly the Minus Wave. As best I can recall, I lost my higher mental processes. My actions thereafter were those of an animal. I killed my enemies and sought food, water, and shelter. When I went hunting the next day, I scented a group of humans and began to follow their tracks. I came across a large amount of Gojyo's blood spilled on the ground and recognized the scent as that of a companion. I tracked the trail to where these men had made camp. I lay in wait for a while, and as I did so, listening to their discussion and scenting Gojyo, my higher consciousness began to return. The leader had been tormenting Gojyo verbally and physically, and proposed a hideous death for him."

"What were they gonna do to Gojyo?" Goku sounded fascinated despite himself.

"They were gonna stake me out with pegs through my wrists and ankles, cut me open, and let the vultures eat my guts while I was still alive."

Goku was on his feet. "Where are they? I'm gonna kill 'em!" Sanzo shook his head, and then looked like he wished he hadn't.

"They're dead, you idiot. Right, Hakkai?"

Hakkai was looking at the ground. "Yes, although the leader had his pistol to Gojyo's head at the end, and then turned it on me as I approached. Gojyo managed to spoil his aim, fortunately. I healed Gojyo a bit, but I knew I'd need my strength to carry him to the cave I'd found the previous evening. The journey was rough on both of us, and as you know from your own experiences, Sanzo, my powers cannot replace lost blood. Gojyo was not fit to travel very far until this morning."

"And?"

Hakkai raised his head slowly. "And what, Sanzo?"

"I _know_ you, Hakkai. There's something else you're not telling. Hnnnh. Probably more than one thing."

Hakkai shivered. Gojyo clenched his hands into fists. "Sanzo!"

Sanzo simply looked at him, infinitely weary and completely unimpressed. Hakkai eventually shook his head and sighed. "I ... after I got Gojyo to safety, I blocked the entrance of the cavern to keep out intruders and went back ... to get supplies from the bounty hunters' camp. And I ... cut out and ate the leader's heart."

"And?" Sanzo sounded merely deeply annoyed and disapproving.

"Then ... I was still hungry, so I ate some more of his flesh as well."

_Merciful Goddess, how can Sanzo not be blown away by that?_

There was a thump as Goku sat down again, abruptly. "Whoa. What did it taste – ?"

"Shut it, monkey," snarled Sanzo, and whacked the kid with the fan. Then he grimaced and winced even more than Goku had, and licked his dry lips. Gojyo's mouth parched up in sympathy, and he started rummaging in Hakkai's pack for a water bottle. _Trust Goku to ask the one question everyone's thinking and no one wants to say._

"Hakkai. Look at me."

Hakkai looked up. Gojyo did too, water bottle in hand. Sanzo raked Hakkai over with bloodshot violet eyes. "Huh. Did Gojyo know?"

"He figured it out while I was gone. When I came back, I found he'd been sick."

"But he got over it."

" ... yes."

"I'm not surprised. Well, what else?"

"Sanzo, what do you want of me!"

"You're still not meeting my eyes. You used to be the calmest, most sensible, most dependable of my followers. I'm trying to figure out whether that's changed."

Hakkai took off his eyeglass and rubbed his eyes. "I didn't want to come back. I was happy out there because I had no concerns about losing my self-control in a crowded place and revealing to everyone what a monster I was. Out there, in the wilderness, I could be a monster without bothering anyone. I enjoyed it. Hunting, watching the weather ... it was all so simple and easy."

"Easy. Yeah, I get it. See food? Eat. See water? Drink. See bedtoy? Fuck."

Hakkai flushed. "He's more than that, Sanzo!"

"Still not looking at me. Is there something else?"

Hakkai pressed his lips together. He was digging his fingernails into the packed dirt floor, like he thought he still had claws. "Maybe ... Goku should get out of earshot."

"Tch. I don't think so. He's not an infant. If he's old enough to risk his life for us, he's old enough to hear anything you have to say."

"I ... hurt Gojyo. On purpose."

Sanzo pulled out a cigarette at last and stuck it between his lips. "I can guess how. The question is, why?"

"He said he would leave me there to return to your ... _our_ mission. He meant it."

For the first time, Sanzo looked mildly surprised. "Hnnh." He gazed at Gojyo for a moment, the cigarette apparently forgotten. Gojyo glared back. But when Sanzo looked away and fumbled for his lighter, one handed, Gojyo found himself putting down the forgotten water bottle and automatically getting out his own lighter for Sanzo's smoke. _Fucking priest!_ Gojyo took a quick look at Goku. He looked sad and worried, but not like he was completely freaked out.

Sanzo took a drag on the cigarette, meditatively. "OK. I think I have the picture."

"What are you going to do about me?" Hakkai was looking at him now – as Sanzo had certainly noticed.

"Fffft. About four years ago, more than 1200 people were killed – mostly _youkai_, but also a number of humans. All ages – infants, elders, everything in between. They died because some of them had helped harm the lover of a human man named Cho Gonou and placed her in clear danger of death. Then, about four days ago, a small band of human men were killed. They died because they had tortured and were about to kill the ... 'best friend' of a _youkai_ male named Cho Hakkai." The smoke he had blown out wreathed around Sanzo's calm face. "Perhaps you can explain to me why you're so certain that you're a monster **now**."

They all stared at him.

"Sanzo – I ... I ate their leader's heart, and, and ... ."

"Yeah. That was disgusting. But he was already dead, You'd already prevented him from continuing on his path and making any sort of amends for his sins – although with a much better justification than many killers can claim. Anything that happened afterward –" Sanzo shrugged. "As far as I'm concerned, that's your problem. Your greed for vengeance and your treatment of his body as meat have added hugely to your own burden of karma. That's all. Unless you're planning on making a habit of it?"

"N-no!"

Sanzo sighed and tapped the ash off the end of his smoke. "Hakkai. Can you tell me honestly that your passions – and I'm not talking about what you and the kappa get up to after the lights are out – are any stronger now than when you were human? That your anger burns any hotter? That you're any more possessive about _your stuff_ than you were as a man?"

"I ... don't know. Of course my senses are much sharper, my reflexes are much faster –"

"What you feel from your five senses and what you feel in your heart are not the same thing. Myself, I don't know for sure that you were affected by the Minus Wave five days ago."

"But what else could it have been? I wasn't thinking at all!"

"A person with enormously strong passions, who has spent more than four years keeping himself rigidly in control, suddenly slips his leash and leaves all witnesses behind. He has justification – even holy orders – to do exactly what he wishes to do anyway. So you let yourself go – even more than you did later, when Gojyo was there to see what you did. Like a man who got drunk and committed a crime, you say to yourself 'I don't remember. I was not myself.' Except you _were_ yourself, Hakkai. Your _youkai_ body gave you with a better set of killing tools this time, but your mind was right back where it was almost five years ago: a mass of righteous, murderous rage. You enjoy killing – when you feel you can let yourself. Why do you think you were transformed back then? 'The blood of a thousand _youkai_'? Bullshit. That was only an excuse. You let yourself go, committed unspeakable acts of violence, and were rewarded by becoming what you hated most at that moment."

Hakkai's good eye was crying: tears were flowing down his stony face. "Sanzo, if that's true, how can you possibly want to have me along on this mission?"

"_You_ were my mission before we were ever ordered to go west. And you're learning – changing – as we travel. You use your powers to heal – or to disarm others, when your instinctive tendency would be to rip into them first. You think about us – especially about _him_ – before you give in to your rage. I can't imagine all the possible reasons the Three Aspects ordered that you be a part of this, but some of it's plain enough. It's a good thing you came back – and not just for the sake of our mission. You have a chance to get back on the road and move forward again, after backtracking."

"You mean, I can make amends for what I did. Sanzo, that can't be enough. How can I forgive myself for –"

"Hakkai – drop it. I don't try to give you orders very often, but I'm telling you this now: you've **got** to let go of your anger. And that includes anger at yourself. It doesn't make up for anything and besides, it's too easy for you."

Hakkai licked his dry lips and looked over at Gojyo, a raw and miserable look that hurt Gojyo's heart. He shook his head and tried to put his feelings into his voice, despite the fact that the other guys were there. "Life's too short, Hakkai. And too chancy. I told you: any minute – _bam!_ Flat, like bugs."

Hakkai's face shifted a little: a smile flickered there for a moment. "You also reminded me that no one had ever promised me 'easy.'"

"Now I'm _really_ impressed," said Sanzo dryly, after a moment. "The kappa had _two_ good ideas? Huh."

"Dammit, Sanzo, you are so –"

"_Anyway_-" Sanzo's calm voice rode his down and pinned it. "Hakkai. Let go of the anger. And don't do things the easy way – the easy way for _you_. You know what I mean. That's it."

"That's _all_?"

Sanzo raised his eyebrows and ground the stub of his cigarette out. "I think that's plenty. If you manage that for the rest of this trip, I'll be surprised. Now, can you take a look at my damn arm?"

Hakkai stared at him for a few moments, his mouth open, before he produced a rag in place of his usual handkerchief and wiped his face and blew his nose. Then he very carefully and gently examined Sanzo's arm. "It's been well tended ... I don't need to open it up again." There was the usual glow and faint hum, and Sanzo's face lost some of his haggard look.

"That's better," he said, gruffly. "Now I think I need a nap, and then a decent meal. I'm not sure what our supply situation is – monkey's probably eaten most of it. And I want to get on the road early tomorrow."

"I'll do what I can about dinner. And I'll need to look at the map again, but if I recall correctly, there's a town less than a day's drive from here. Goku, can you show me where there's water?"

Gojyo stood up to follow them out and was halted by Sanzo's growl: "Not you, kappa. Lie down and rest. Blood loss is nothing to fuck around with – I should know."

"Whoa ... ! Sanzo-chama, I didn't know you _cared_!"

"Shut up and chill out, you pervert. I'm going to sleep."

Gojyo dragged his pack over to the bedding he'd abandoned almost five days ago, fished out his blanket, and lay down. The blanket smelled faintly of Hakkai, still, and of sweet grasses. He could hear Sanzo's breathing, already evened out into the rhythm of slumber, and farther off, the sound of Hakkai's and Goku's voices, Goku questioning, Hakkai reassuring. He smiled to himself and fell asleep.

Dinner was a fairly relaxed meal, all things considered. Gojyo actually found himself enjoying Sanzo's grumbles and the argument with Goku over the last of the potstickers Hakkai had managed to make with the smoked duck – although Hakkai and Sanzo made them break it up too soon. Goku insisted on helping Hakkai with the dishes, and Sanzo went straight to bed again, so Gojyo took his cigarettes and wandered outside.

The moon, fractionally plumper than last night's sliver, was still up. He sat on one of the unbroken sections of the stone wall around the farmyard, with his back to the house, and lit up. Somewhere off in the dark were the red hills, with the cave, and the crazy huge rocks, and their little bathing pool. They'd probably never see any of it again. Funny how something so important could seem like years ago already. He was surprised at how much he wanted to remember some of it.

"I don't think we could see any of it from here even in the daylight," said Hakkai, from behind him.

Somehow it didn't surprise Gojyo that Hakkai's mind was going the same direction. "What the fuck are you standing way back there for? Come here."

Hakkai came closer and started to comb his fingers through Gojyo's hair. _Fingers, not claws._ Gojyo could feel Hakkai's warmth along his back and ass. He leaned into him a little and ground his cigarette out against the stones of the wall. "Where's Goku?"

"In bed by now, I hope. He hasn't been sleeping much either. A growing boy needs his sleep."

"Is he all OK about – this shit?"

"I think so. Sanzo's right – he _is_ growing up."

"Was ... was that other crap Sanzo said right? About you?"

Hakkai stopped playing with Gojyo's hair and wrapped his arms around his friend's shoulders, resting his cheek on top of Gojyo's head. "It could be. I'm not sure yet."

It would be nice to go to bed with Hakkai, right now, and fuck all those heavy thoughts away. But bed tonight was on the farmhouse floor with the other two. "Hell. You know, the whole time we were there, I wanted to be outta that place. And now, I kinda miss it."

He felt Hakkai smile. "That was a long, strange journey you took to find me, wasn't it? I hope you never regret it."

"Hakkai, for a smart guy, you say the stupidest shit sometimes. Oh – look!"

A faint thread of silver stroked across the sky. They waited and watched, and eventually there was another. "Heh – someone still had another package of sparklers left up there."

Hakkai's arms tightened. "They're not as bright with the moon up. And the shower is almost over anyway, I suppose."

"Hakkai?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you sorry that you came back with me?"

"Well ... not really. It's rather strange, but in a way, it felt a bit like coming home."

Gojyo shifted in the circle of Hakkai's arms so he could see him. The cool moonlight shone thinly on his pretty, pale face, gleamed off the three metal bands on his ear, and showed Gojyo his faint, soft smile. Gojyo swung his legs all the way over onto Hakkai's side of the wall, wrapped his arms around Hakkai's waist, and nuzzled into his bony chest with a happy little growl. Hakkai chuckled and tugged at his hair, pulling his face clear for a kiss. "Hey, Hakkai," he said, when he could breathe again.

"Yes, Gojyo?"

"Welcome home."

 

  
  
  
  
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_ [Notes on the setting of "Down from the Red Hills"](http://opalmatrix.livejournal.com/12640.html) _

 


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